What if...

[BoneDaddyKool]

Instead of most movies having the usual happy endings, the trend was to have unhappy endings, or bizarro world endings? How would some classics end?

 

Like the end of Major League, the third baseman jumps the bunt, Taylor is out at first, and Hayes is thrown out at the plate. HarryDoyle yells "The Indians lose! The Indians lose! Oh My God the Indians lose!" and Rene Russo's character marries the yuppie guy.

 

or Karate Kid II Chozen delivers kick after kick to Daniel's head, and finally a death blow as Mr. Miaggi bows his head and a tear comes out his eye. Chozen lifts Daniel up by the head and says "Now I have my Honor back!" the credits roll and Karate Kid III never gets made.

 

Anyone else have some new endings in mind? This was a topic at the bar last week, and my friends and I had fun with it. Always fun to discuss over a few beers.

[Oldcity]

As far as Major League was concerned, if the Brewers lost the pennant because Yost had Ryan Braun bunt with Tony Gwynn Jr. on second, only to have Gwynn thrown out at home... Well there'd be an uprising in Milwaukee.

 

How about these:

 

The Ghostbusters never think to cross the streams, and New York City is brutally torn apart by the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

 

Milton never burns down Inotech and Peter goes to prison for embezzlement, and Jennifer Aniston ends up with Lumberg (yes, that Lumberg).

 

Marty McFly is unable to get his parents together in the past and wakes up in the future as Biff's son--only he remembers his old life and is trapped in his new one.

 

Wow, I must be a somber guy with all these dark endings I came up with...

[Ralph Wiggum]

Kevin Costner never builds it...becomes a millionaire selling corn for ethanol production, and eventually buys the Kansas City Royals.

 

Paul Crewe doesn't have a change of heart and ends up throwing the game against the guards. The evil warden is elected governor, and Crewe is murdered in prison by Granville and his band of thugs.

 

Shrek kisses Fiona, who doesn't turn into an ogre and is grossed out. Shrek and Donkey have a falling out.

 

Kelly Leak scores the winning run on a close play at the plate, to win the city championship. The Bears let the success go to their heads, and Buttermaker is thrown in jail for indecent exposure.

 

After Andy Dufresne crawls through 500 yards of smelly foulness, he reaches the drainage ditch, where four guards are waiting for him. The warden eventually becomes a congressman.

 

John Coffey is set free by Tom Hanks. Hanks ends up being brought up on charges, and goes to prison for 20 years. Percy is the head guard.

[paul253]

I'd be willing to guess that if movies have bad endings somebody would sue them.

[BrewCrewForever]

As far as Major League was concerned, if the Brewers lost the pennant because Yost had Ryan Braun bunt with Tony Gwynn Jr. on second, only to have Gwynn thrown out at home... Well there'd be an uprising in Milwaukee.

 

How about these:

 

The Ghostbusters never think to cross the streams, and New York City is brutally torn apart by the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

 

Milton never burns down Inotech and Peter goes to prison for embezzlement, and Jennifer Aniston ends up with Lumberg (yes, that Lumberg).

 

Marty McFly is unable to get his parents together in the past and wakes up in the future as Biff's son--only he remembers his old life and is trapped in his new one.

 

Wow, I must be a somber guy with all these dark endings I came up with...

Although dark, those would have made cool endings.

 

[Patrick425]

Danny Noonan doesn't make the winning putt, but Judge Smails has to spend all his winnings on repairing the course that was destroyed by the now jailed Carl Spackler.

 

Dr. Crowe survives the gun shot and it ends up just being a really lame movie about a doctor who helps a kid who "sees dead people".

[ccbrew]

Tom Hanks chooses not to build a makeshift raft and he just painfully starves to death as a castaway.

[Patrick425]

Nathan Arizona decides to let H.I. and Edwina keep Nathan Jr. However, he does not want his wife to know, so he asks them to leave by window. H.I. accidentally drops Nathan Jr. as he is making his way down the ladder. Nathan Jr. dies from the fall, bringing a dark and disturbing ending to what was, up to that point, a pretty funny movie.

[razzzorsharp]

Kevin Spacey has sex with the underaged girl and instead of getting shot, goes to prison where he gets 25 years of pounding from Bubba and Tiny.

[GAME05]

The reporter eventually discovers the origin of "Rosebud" and makes a fortune marketing the sleds himself, eventually making enough to buy Xanadu for his own.

 

The boy reaches in Old Yeller's cage to pet him, Old Yeller bites him and the boy dies of rabies.

 

The Wicked Witch says "what the heck Dorothy, you got me all wet" and just zaps her and steals her shoes. the WWW goes on to rule all of Oz, imprisoning the Good Witch of the North.

 

Rudy finally makes it in the game and he's the only thing between the RB and the endzone. Because of Rudy's size, the RB just bowls him over and scores the winning TD. Rudy becomes the laughingstock of Notre Dame and has to go back to work in the factory for the next 30 years.

 

in Elf, Will Ferrell really isn't an elf, but a man with some serious mental illnesses.

 

the Grinch steals Christmas and never has a change of heart. The movie ends with a widening pan of Mary Lou Who standing in the middle of cold, desolate Whoville, silently sobbing.

[razzzorsharp]

It was not a dream and the wicked witch does indeed get her pretty and feeds her to the flying monkeys, while the Lion rips the Scarecrow apart after an altercation regarding whom the Tinman loves in their assorted love triangle. The Wizard of Oz gets a Napolean type complex and hires the Munchkins out as mercenaries to take over the land. After the Munkins are getting beat on many fronts The Wizard ends up taking his life and Auntie Ems, who had taken a great fancy towards power, in a bunker.

[uecker9]

George Bailey becomes addicted to painkillers while working for Mr. Gowar. Gets an STD from Violet Bick and at the end when he's on the bridge crying about wanting to live again, Officer Bert pops a couple caps in him.

[GAME05]

Beauty tells the Beast she just likes him as a friend. Beauty has fling after fling and eventually marries some prince only for his looks, and he completely mistreats her. Beast can see what's going on but can do nothing about it and runs back into the woods to live, alone again.

[TooLiveBrew]

Instead of most movies having the usual happy endings, the trend was to have unhappy endings, or bizarro world endings? How would some classics end?

It's funny that the word "classics" ended up in there... since most classical storytelling did not include the 'happy ending.' I personally believe that the desire for a feel-good ending can ruin a perfectly good story (see Stranger than Fiction for one example). That said, I'm a huge fan of the tragedies.

 

Oh, and great thread, and the alternate endings so far have been funny as hell!

[samwise]

It was Dean Keaton.

[GAME05]

Ms. Robinson winds up pregnant. enough said.

 

Rick Moranis steps on his own kids. eventually he builds the re-enlarging ray and scans the floor, and their bodies enlarge, a mangled, twisted horrorshow.

 

Dumbo gets struck by lightening while he's flying, and his dead body falls 300 feet back to earth directly in front of hundreds and hundreds of screaming little children.

 

Bill Murray gets stuck in Puxatawny each day and eventually realizes he can only escape the day by hooking up with his news partner. Except this time his partner isn't played by Andy McDowell, but Gilbert Gottfried.

[Principessa21]

George Bailey becomes addicted to painkillers while working for Mr. Gowar. Gets an STD from Violet Bick and at the end when he's on the bridge crying about wanting to live again, Officer Bert pops a couple caps in him.

LOL!

 

[temke]

jimmy chitwood misses the game-winning shot, coach norman dale is run out of town for beating the crap out of him after the game, and shooter drinks himself to death.

[sheetswannabe]

Chuck does the dirty, with all the women and their true loves, along with a case of HIV.

[mothershipconnection]

The bum goes out and gets wasted off Sisco and Thunderbird, never buys U-62 stock, and R.J. Fletcher ends up owning the station.

[sbrylski]

Harry gets the suitcase all the way into the lake, and they never discover the money. With nothing to give to Mary, Lloyd and Harry are left with nothing, join the army, and die in combat.

 

Fletcher doesn't make it to the airport in time, Max and Audrey move to Boston, and all parties are miserable for the rest of their lives.

[And That]

_____ goes out and gets wasted off Sisco and Thunderbird

This would be a good ending to any movie.

[logan82]

Danny Noonan doesn't make the winning putt, but Judge Smails has to spend all his winnings on repairing the course that was destroyed by the now jailed Carl Spackler.

He could always escape jail by dying because on his deathbed he will regain total consciousness.

[DuWayne Steurer]

Shelob kills and eats Samwise, the Orcs take the ring from Frodo and deliver it to Sauron, who regains physical form. Aragorn and company are wiped out to the last man in front of the Gate.

 

 

Han Solo never has the last second change of heart, and Darth blows Luke's X-Wing out of the sky. The rebel base is completely obliterated by the Death Star. Han lives in shame, and is hunted to the end of the galaxy by Jabba's bounty hunters, who find and kill him and Chewbacca.

 

 

At the gov't base at the foot of Devil's Tower Wyoming, they try in vain to communicate with the alien ships, who finally lose their patience with the primitive humans, and open fire with their superior weaponry, killing everyone.

 

 

Jeff Goldblum's computer virus fails to infect the alien computer, and the nuke doesn't destroy the mothership. Bill Pullman and company are killed by the invading aliens when they can't penetrate the shields, and earth is stripped of every last natural resource.

 

 

Bruce Willis fails to blow up the meteor the size of Texas. Earth is wiped out.

 

Same for Deep Impact.

 

Turns out Sloth doesn't love Chunk, and kills and dismembers him. The criminals catch up to the Goonies, and instead of tying their hands and making them swim, they just shoot them all dead.

[DuWayne Steurer]

Good point earlier in the thread about Hollywood "happy" endings sometimes ruin great movies.

 

SPOILER ALERT FOR 3:10 TO YUMA

 

Recent movie, for example....would 3:10 to Yuma have been as good if Dan Evans doesn't die at the end? Don't think so, as it's the ultimate moment of redemption for Wade.

 

 

On the other hand, Shawshank Redemption is a very dark movie, with a happy ending, and is an absolute all time great. Obviously of course the point is maintaining hope in the face of what appears to be endless misery and long odds.

 

Fun and interesting topic.