Moving out of state question

[danzig6767]

I've lived in Wisconsin most of my life after moving here as a kid from California. In my teens and 20's i didn't mind the weather here, i even worked outside for two years and the cold didn't faze me much back then. Once i got into my 30's though i started disliking Wisconsin weather more and more, i'd get jealous when i'd visit my mom in Arizona during winter, 60-70 degrees there and 8 degrees here.

 

Now i've gone from not like winter to hating it with a passion, it somewhat depresses me because i love summer so much and hate the cold. Many people here hate really hot weather, but it's never to hot for me in summer. I absolutely love the hot sun hitting my body like a laser beam, so much so i even hate clouds because they block the sun when i'm outside in summer. I'll be say tailgaiting before a Brewers game and if a cloud blocks the sun, i'll start swearing at the cloud. It should be easy to see then that three months of summer is not near enough for my liking and 4-5 months of winter is pure hell for me.

 

So i've been thinking about moving somewhere warm the last few years, i haven't settled on where, but San Diego is appealing to me. One reason i haven't moved yet is my teenage daughter lives here in Greenfield with her mom, but i live 5 minutes away and she spends as much time with me as her mom. I won't even consider moving until she's out of high school. The other reason i haven't moved is i don't know anybody out of WI except my brother who is in the military and Oklahoma is not a destination i want. I'm also not married and have little desire to ever do so.

 

My question is, has anyone here moved somewhere where you knew nobody at all? My mom moved back to WI a few years ago, all my friends and family are here. I'm leery of moving somewhere and not knowing anyone, i have no clue how i'd handle that or how long it would take to make friends in a new state. Would holidays be semi depressing with no family around? Sometimes family gatherings here bore me silly, but i think i might miss them if i was alone.

 

I know a place with 6-7 months of summer and no winter would make me much happier, but maybe not knowing anyone isn't worth that. So to anyone here who has moved out of state to a place where they knew nobody, any advice or stories of how things went would be appreciated.

[jaybird2001wi]

danzig, I too have thought hard and long about moving out of state. I have a friend who lives in Cincinnati and he told me they have shorter and less harsh winters down there (so short that they cancel schools with just one inch of snow). I drove down there a few years ago to visit him on the Xavier University campus and Cincinnati seems like an okay town. I wouldn't mind the Ohio Valley region. I also have a cousin who lives in San Francisco, but that is a last resort for me.

I was going to move to Oceanside, CA this month, but my high school buddy had a hard time helping me find a job down there and his friend didn't move to Phoenix (which meant no spot for me on the lease).

I interned in Lake County, Ill. (Waukegan) and had a chance to travel around the Chicago suburbs and wouldn't be opposed to moving to Joliet, Glen Ellyn or Naperville. I guess I just have to wait it out and find a job of opportunity.

I don't really have any emotional tie downs in Wisconsin so if I was given an opportunity to move tomorrow, I'd take it in a heartbeat.

[pitchleague]

I got sick of applying for teaching jobs for 2 years that, on a whim, I decided to look elsewhere just for fun. I looked at my school's job pamphlet and the first out of state job was for Kingman, AZ (it was the first one on the list in the state of AZ, so that's why I chose it.

 

Out of the blue, they called to set up and interview, so I went to visit my cousin, who was living in Victorville, CA at the time, and drove the 4 hours over for the interview, which went well, but nothing special.

 

Two weeks later, they called me again offering the job. I took it because, as I said, I was tired of applying for jobs in midwest schools that only wanted experienced teachers (nice of them to actually put that on their qualifications list when posting jobs! stupid principals!) so I accepted the job and moved without knowing a soul.

 

It was a bit lonely and definitely hard at first being so far away but I recovered and before long I had a small set of friends. And I, a guy who thought he'd never find a wife, did just that at my new school.

 

So, if I were to do it again, I probably would take the plunge. It was definitely different and some major culture shock. But I'm not lonely and I go back to Wisconsin periodically to visit family and friends during the summer and/or the holidays.

[SeriesFinale]

My wife and I moved to San Francisco from Chicago in '06 not knowing anyone (a couple friends of friends but that's as close as it got)...I really like California but I do miss all our friends and family back in Chicago.

[BuckyTuba]

I lived in Germantown all my life until college, did 5 years in Madison.... then I got a job in North Carolina. It's really tough making a new set of friends, but it's slowly coming around. I've done everything, like cooking bratwurst for all my neighbors just so they'll come out of their shells.

 

I just joined a sports club down here too. You just need to be active and do things.... and I don't mean just go to the bars. I did that for the first 5 months, and I think I made 1 friend.

 

Work really doesn't produce many friends because we all work different shifts.

 

It's also really hard to be single and move to a new location. I've gone the way of match.com and it's paid off really well. I met a girl that I dated for 6.5 months, and I'm on the verge of being committed to another girl.

[homer]

I recommend taking a class or something. I've met a bunch of new friends here in Chicago in 2+ years just from different classes I've taken.

[GAME05]

Bucky, where are you in Carolina? I'm in Winston-Salem. i'm thinking we very well might be the only two baseball fans in this state, because i sure haven't found any (also, i apparently could use some tips to Match.com, because my membership was useless)

 

I did Denver for two years after Wisconsin, but moved in with a friend. even still, you have to go out on your own just because you end up glomming onto one person and don't venture out too far.

 

have been in North Carolina for two years now. originally moved in with a cousin, but not only did he work all the time, but had a girlfriend and moved away a couple months later. maybe i'm not one for advice, because i only have one good friend here, though. if you go to church, the small church groups are a great way to meet people. oh, and get a dog if you don't have one, then go to the dog park often, it's an awesome way to meet people, especially girls. can't recommend that one enough.

 

i do the bar thing somewhat often and know some regulars, but at the same time there's not a real permanence to the people you meet there.

 

bar-league poker is an excellent way of meeting people. or a pool league. a busy gym seems to work (unfortunately i chose an old-people gym). and use a strength--you obviously know what you're talking about when it comes to baseball, so check out the local games and it's never too hard to wind up talking baseball with some fans there.

 

culture-wise, yeah, i do miss Wisconsin. it's way different here in NC, definitely a stay-at-home culture that doesn't exist in Wisconsin. sometimes i think about going back, but same as you, eight months of winter is six months too long. even sports-wise, i have to make a big effort to listen to and keep up with the teams.

 

and actually, a part-time job helped me meet people. professional jobs are harder because you're often dealing with parents who go home to their kids or just people who don't go out and drink after work (like here)--plus then all you talk about is work after work, and that stinks. but some idiot part-time work, nobody there takes things too seriously and they're often up for going out to do something in their free time.

 

not home for holidays kinda stinks, but they pass pretty quickly.

 

but at the same time, the whole move is really freeing. you'll never feel so free and unchained, and for the first six months, it's kinda neat not having no clue, and every single thing is new and different to you.

 

but i warn you, whichever city you're thinking of, DO NOT choose Winston-Salem.

[UndraftedFA]

I moved here (AZ) a couple of years ago. For me it is tough. I am going to school part-time and working full-time. Unfortunately, I work 2nd shift now. It is near impossible to meet people that way. I can't do things at the same time as most people. I did know some people when I moved here, but they were all PhD. students. They all talked about staying here when I was planning the move, but they all seem to be leaving as they finish. By this summer, I will be alone.

 

I'm frustrated because I have no idea what to do now. I think if my schedule was different I would be fine. I have had good times when I can escape work and studies for a little bit. If you are the type of person that makes friends easily and your schedule isn't like mine, I don't think you would have problems.

 

Whether or not I decide to continue life here, I would never suggest a person not try it. No matter what, it is an experience you won't have otherwise. If it works out, great! If it doesn't, you can always move back knowing you gave it a shot.

[danzig6767]

Thanks for everyone who took time to respond, it's greatly appreciated.

 

From what i've read from most of you, it varies but there was a fairly common theme of it's hard adjusting to not knowing friends/family. That's kinda what i expected, but i wasn't really sure. If i was a 20 year old college kid i wouldn't sweat moving at all, being in my 30's i wouldn't be at some college campus with 10,000 other college kids or more.

 

While i despise the weather here in Wisconsin, it is nice to hang with a buddy watching a Packers game or go to a Brewers game. I not only have my own kid, i'm tight with my 7 year old nephew, it would suck having to mail his gift and just call him vs being there for his birthday parties. These are the kind of things that swirl through my mind when i strongly think of moving. If it's say a Saturday night and i feel like going out, but don't know anybody well enough in a new city, how bummed would i feel having to sit home by myself nearly every weekend? How bad would i feel having to call my daughter on her birthday or at Christmas instead of being there even though she'll be 18 or older if i do move?

 

Then again, every time i see golf or something live on TV from a place with sunny warm weather and i look out my patio door only to see snow, slush, and frosted windows, i'm so envious of the people living in those cities. The bad thing is moving a long distance is quite a chore and seems costly, so moving back fairly quickly isn't like say moving back from Franklin to Milwaukee.

 

I do though have a few years to think this out, my daughter is only 15 and a sophomore in high school and at the soonest, i'd move after she graduates. She has said she'd want to move with me, but her mom would probably then hate me quite a bit, not that i care all to much what she thinks.

[NeedMoreFans]

I've been contemplating this same thing. I'm sort of like Pitchleague...a certified teacher looking for a full-time job, and there isn't much in Wisconsin in my field. Unlike a lot of you, I am married, so I'd have to convince my wife to move, too (however, she is job hunting at the moment, so maybe a change of scenery would do her well). I've thought of the Pacific Northwest, northern Arizona (I couldn't handle 120+ in the summer), or North Carolina. Nearby, I've been thinking of the Twin Cities or northern Illinois. I don't despise winter, in fact I sort of embrace it until March, so I don't need a warmer climate.

 

The thing is we have a lot of ties here in Wisconsin. Her parents are less than an hour away and mine less that two. She is an aunt and I'm soon to become an uncle. Most of our friends live in the Madison-Milwaukee-Chicago triangle, so we see each other quite a bit. Leaving friends would be pretty difficult for me, and I think leaving her family would be difficult for her. I keep saying...it doesn't have to be permanent...even 5-10 years. Then I think about the actual move and, yikes!

[BuckyTuba]

Game05, I just bought a house in Holly Springs, just Southwest of Raleigh. It was ranked the #22 place to live by Fortune magazine this year.

 

I got a park about .5 mile away from my house with 4 lighted baseball/softball diamonds that are maintained by the town. It has a .5 mile path loop around the baseball diamonds, so I enjoy running there.

 

It's also about 13 minutes from work, so I reduced my daily commute by 2/3.

 

Raleigh is such an awesome place to live. I suggest living in the suburbs to the west of it.... like Apex, Holly Springs, Fuquay-Varina or Cary (Cary is very expensive though). There's tons of jobs in the Research Triangle Park (RTP) with all different kinds of companies having local HQs there.

 

Charlotte is becoming a lot more nice, but the traffic is AWFUL.

[AmyintheSouth]

Cary (Cary is very expensive though).

This is not a place I would expect my hometown to be mentioned. Heh.

I moved away from North Carolina about a year and a half ago, but to a place where I had some relatives an hour away and where I knew a couple people. Within a few weeks of moving and on my first day at work, my little brother went to the hospital with a terrible case of appendicitis and was lucky to have lived. It was a hard thing to deal with and having a few friends in my neighborhood already made it so much easier. I was 21 and just out of school when I moved, so having never lived more than 30 minutes away from my family, my perspective may be kind of different. I'm really glad I moved, but I don't know if I could have gone to a place where I knew no one. Now maybe, but not then. I don't mean to discourage you at all, just sharing my experience.

 

If you do move, one way to meet people would be through volunteering. There are Hands On networks all around the country, and it's something you don't have to commit a specified amount of time to -- just whenever you can.

[homer]

"If you do move, one way to meet people would be through volunteering. There are Hands On networks all around the country, and it's something you don't have to commit a specified amount of time to -- just whenever you can. "

 

Good suggestion. I had a buddy move to San Diego and he didn't know anyone going in except for a handful of coworkers (and I don't think he knew them really well) so he volunteered at a UW alumni event and met 100 other badger fans - including his soon to be fiance.

[kilgore37]

I am about to do the same thing. I am sick of the winters here and the taxes in the state are ridiculous. I am waiting to here back from a defense contractor in lexington , ky. The only person I know there is my friend who got me an interview.

[Carolina Brewer]

I live in the Charlotte area, Fort Mill, SC, actually. Moved here three years ago with my then girlfriend, now wife, from Milwaukee. It was hard leaving friends behind, and at times it still is, but you get adjusted pretty well to it, since there are so many transplants in the South that it's hard not to run into someone from your hometown, or home state eventually. That makes things easier, at least for me. It also helps when you can do what you like outside 10 months plus out of the year, such as today when it's going to be 65 out. As to the traffic in Charlotte, I would say that having lived in Milwaukee and Chicago, it's much like commuting in Milwaukee, which is not awful. Charlotte is such a nice area that traffic is about the only thing there is to complain about, and even then it's overblown.

[JimH5]

I have moved a number of times, and from my own experience, I can say that the first time is the hardest. After that, they're all pretty much the same.

 

In 1998, at age 36 my wife and I moved from WI to NJ for her job. She knew her coworkers and people from her company, but I didn't know a soul. It took me getting a new job and developing work relationships to really consider it "home". Even then, it wasn't, as all our family and old friends were still back in WI.

In 2001 we moved to Jacksonville, FL, and then in 2005 we moved back to NJ, this time with a little one in tow.

Then two weeks ago we all moved to Singapore--again for her work.

 

The problem with moving for work is that there's always one more opportunity 2-3 years down the road, so it's too easy to not develop any roots in the new place. Wherever I have lived, I have considered Wisconsin home, even if we were only there for 2 weeks a year. The other 50 weeks were pretty shallow--by our own doing. That has been a recurring mistake in each of the last two moves, as we didn't really reach out to seek new friends.

 

As this latest move will be a complete culture shock, we're committed to reach out to more people and develop more friendships. You can't live like a hermit all the time, and it will be great to experience this region of the world with others who are (or aren't) more familiar with it than we are. We know that the whole "reaching out to other people" thing is a little uncomfortable at first, but we've got to forge ahead and seek those relationships.

 

I would recommend to anyone to make a move and get out and live in the world, if its Sri Lanka or Cincinnati or Fitchburg. It helps if you've got employment in the new place, or at least some financial stability to help you manage the rough spots. With technology, it's easy to stay connected back home. You can video conference, or call, or send mail back and forth. You can visit new places and try different foods. You can watch the Brewers on MLB Extra Innings, or on the road. Missed holidays are a drag, but you don't have to miss all of them.

 

In any case, if and when you return back home, your life is richer from the experience.

[DHonks]

I moved to AZ to pursue a job as a professional golfer. I needed the year round training. That fell through. But I went to my backup plan of being a teacher, and recently got my post-bacc. This is my first year teaching, and I'm loving it. I hate the monotony of AZ weather though. It's 100 for 50 days, or it's 45 for 50 days

[TracyThom]

Well, I seem to be in the same boat as a few other people here. I had some issues with my former job, so I had to resign. There just aren't a lot of jobs in my field open in this area, so my wife brought up the idea of relocating. At first we were just looking into the idea of relocating somewhere in the state, but I brought up the idea of relocating out of state. Now, she's more excited than I am. She hates winter.

 

My main concern with relocating out of state (down south) is the quality of education for my kids. My daughter is in 2nd grade and my son will start kindergarten next year. I've been primarily looking into college towns on the notion that the public schools should be better. I'm in the hiring process for Athens, GA, Winston-Salem, NC, Gwinnett County, GA, and Rowlett, TX.

 

This past weekend I flew down to Dallas because I had to participate in phase I of the hiring process for Rowlett. Rowlett is a suburb of Dallas approximately 20-25 miles outside of downtown. At first I was a little intimidated because the Dallas/Fort Worth Metro area is HUGE. It is so spread out. Once I spent a little more time in Rowlett, I felt better. Rowlett is its own community, and it does not feel anything like Dallas. This weekend, I'm flying down to Athens.

[GAME05]

TracyThom, I asked my coworkers and they generally like the Winston-Salem school district (I'm working in downtown Winston right now). The land is uber-cheap, real estate is the worst it's been in 30 years here, so it's a great time to buy. And probably like Milwaukee, you have to take the crime statistics with a grain of salt because it's localized.

 

you can't think of Winston-Salem as a university-town, though. it's only about 1,200 students, and they're all med students with rich daddys, so that typical college atmosphere you may be thinking of, of students mulling about, cultural activities and all that stuff really doesn't exist.

 

I only want to add all that because if you're looking for a vibrant sort of city, this ain't it. At 10 pm on Friday and Saturday night, I am often the only one on the sidewalks. Though I do expect things to pick up with the downtown ballpark going up in 09. it's the #1 city in the nation to retire to, cheap land in the city or country, fine for raising kids, awesome weather, but it's population and Wake Forest being here is pretty deceiving.

[OldHoss]

I've lived in Albuquerque, New Orleans, Nashville and South Jersey over the years. In each case, I arrived without knowing anyone.

The friends I made in each of these places generally came from two places: (1) co-workers or friends of co-workers and (2) Packer bars. If you get to a new town as Packer season is starting, find the local Packer bar (there are lists at JSOnline and Packers.com). While I'm not shy, I'm also not extremely outgoing either. Even though I wouldn't usually be likely to start up a conversation with someone next to me at the bar, I've always been able to chat with people about the game. It helps when the guys next to you are Wisconsin ex-patriots as well. Not only did I make new friends, but after I got to know the Packer bar regulars, I got hooked up with some new job opportunities and interviews.

[GAME05]

i think making friends is just a matter of going out to do what you like to do. if you've got knowledge or interest in sport, pool, cards, golf, whatever, just try to get around the same type of people. either people will want to talk to you because you have knowledge, or better yet, you ask them questions and they get to talk to you about it.

 

looks like I'll be moving out of state somewhat soon, too. just started to look for jobs, so hopefully the long-distance interview process won't pose too many difficulties. even though i'm 30 and would prefer my own place, i think i'll split a room with somebody, a good way to save money and a fast way to learn about the city. granted, i need that job first....

[mothershipconnection]

This past weekend I flew down to Dallas because I had to participate in phase I of the hiring process for Rowlett. Rowlett is a suburb of Dallas approximately 20-25 miles outside of downtown. At first I was a little intimidated because the Dallas/Fort Worth Metro area is HUGE. It is so spread out. Once I spent a little more time in Rowlett, I felt better. Rowlett is its own community, and it does not feel anything like Dallas. This weekend, I'm flying down to Athens.

 

Rowlett isn't too bad, and most of the Dallas 'burbs are pretty slow paced and not at all like the city. Is this a police job? I'm pretty sure I know someone (a father or a former client) who works for that department.

[FVBrewerFan]

My main concern with relocating out of state (down south) is the quality of education for my kids. My daughter is in 2nd grade and my son will start kindergarten next year. I've been primarily looking into college towns on the notion that the public schools should be better. I'm in the hiring process for Athens, GA, Winston-Salem, NC, Gwinnett County, GA, and Rowlett, TX.

 

This past weekend I flew down to Dallas because I had to participate in phase I of the hiring process for Rowlett. Rowlett is a suburb of Dallas approximately 20-25 miles outside of downtown. At first I was a little intimidated because the Dallas/Fort Worth Metro area is HUGE. It is so spread out. Once I spent a little more time in Rowlett, I felt better. Rowlett is its own community, and it does not feel anything like Dallas. This weekend, I'm flying down to Athens.

Just curious, what is the correlation between a college town and public schools? If you ever visited places like Camden, MA you would change your mind. Instead, you can check out the web sites of the school districts, lots of other resources to find out how they rank in state and nationally.

 

As far as location, you'll need to make up your own mind, of course. My opinion:

 

1) Winston-Salem. Close to mountains, the ocean, Raleigh-Durham, Charlotte, DC. Not too far anywhere on the East Coast. Plus, North Carolina just seems to "feel" like WI in a lot of ways. The people are very friendly, jsut feels like home. With that said, there still is a certain amount of SOuthern Pride alive and well, and a minority will view you as a Yankee.

 

2) Athens, GA. Pretty cool area. Close enough to Atlanta, but far enough away that you don't have to deal with the traffic. I've only been there once recently, but I liked it.

 

3) Gwinnett Co. In many ways I would rank it #2 or even #1. Very expensive to live there (although I don't know what's going on in the real estate market there these days) But historically cost of living is very high. Traffic is brutal, that area is sprawling like crazy. Atlanta traffic has reached the point where it may be the worst- certainly top 5.

 

4) Rowlett. Personal bias, I just don't like TX and I have to go there all the time for work. I am good friends with a couple Texans, but far too many fit the profile. Everything is flat and boring...just nothing there I would really take over the other three locations.

[GAME05]

As far as location, you'll need to make up your own mind, of course. My opinion:

 

1) Winston-Salem. Close to mountains, the ocean, Raleigh-Durham, Charlotte, DC. Not too far anywhere on the East Coast. Plus, North Carolina just seems to "feel" like WI in a lot of ways. The people are very friendly, jsut feels like home. With that said, there still is a certain amount of SOuthern Pride alive and well, and a minority will view you as a Yankee.

think i missed this note before. did you land a job somewhere? I just moved from the Winston/Greensboro area and would be happy to offer up any advice on especially Winston-Salem. especially as a Wisconsinite who moved there, maybe my experiences would be the same as somebody else who arrives there.

[molitor fan]

I have lived in Charlotte for the last two years and love it...the weather is so much more tolerable and the amount of transplants here make this a really welcoming place for newcomers.