Proper BO/bad breath etiquette?

[danzig6767]

Roughly a week ago i was talking to this girl i know and i have no idea what was up with her that day, but she must not have showered because she didn't look made up and she had some BO going on. I wasn't around her long, but i know she was heading to work after this and i almost considered letting her know that she should spray on some perfume or something, didn't do it though.

 

Every once in awhile i'm sure most people have run into someone that has some bad BO going on or some pretty stanky breath. I know if that was me, i'd rather be told, especially if i was about to be heading somewhere around multiple people. This hasn't happened that many times, but she also wasn't the first person i've known in my life that had either BO or stanky breath. It's hard to tell a person that, but maybe it's more rude to let a person go around all day or for awhile at least being smelly around other people.

 

Should i have said something to her or just let her go on her day not knowing? Would you rather be told?

[Glennron]

I personally would rather be told "You smell terrible, shower" than unknowingly offend people with my smell. I guess if it's someone I don't really know well though I'd feel kind of weird telling them, but if I notice one of my friends has bad breath or something I'll usually tell them.

 

Kind of a funny side note: My sophomore year in high school a kid in my Geometry class had the worst B.O. ever. Our teacher was way too nice to tell him, so one day before our class she left a basket of deoderant, shampoo, and soap on his desk.

[Nicole the Baker]

This is really dorky of me, but I am a big fan of Judith Martin (Miss Manners). Her books are witty and filled with dry humor. Anyhow, her general advice in situations like this is to only tell the person if they can easily remedy the situation right there...i.e. food on the face. To spare them embarrassment, she also recommends being vague about the problem ("I think there's something on your face...you may want to take a quick look" as opposed to "There's a hunk of chicken in your beard").

 

The response also depends on how socially close you are to the person. In your situation, if the girl was a close friend, you can be a bit more blunt than if she is only an acquaintance. I'm sure she would become aware of the problem if you mentioned that you could smell something a bit off but acted as if you didn't know quite what/where it was. If that were me, my first thought would be "oh my gosh I didn't take a shower today and it must be noticeable." Anything more would be humiliating.

[hawing]

I was going to post about the same thing, Nicole. You aren't the only Miss Manners dork on the forum.

 

In general, you only call attention to things a person can do something about, or maybe that you can help with. At the library, for example, I've offered a safety pin to employees who have lost a button or something.

 

For bad breath, I'd consider offering gum or a mint; but for an acquaintance, I'd have some too before offering. That way it seems more like I'm sharing to be polite, not specifically to address a problem. As Nicole said, the better you know the person involved, the more you can say.

[TooLiveBrew]

I'm no Miss Manners guru, so maybe I'm just a tad crass (maybe?) - but I'd want to know. As far as the 'can do something about it' notion, I'd hope to find time to shower, or at least buy some gum/mints. I share Glennron's opinion that I would rather not unknowingly offend/stank it up.

[BoneDaddyKool]

two years ago I worked a 11 hours shift, working in the kitchen with no air conditioning, on a very hot July day. After I was done with work, I stopped at a gas station to grab a 12 pack of beer for the rest of the night. As I'm about to walk through the doors into the station, two teenage girls were walking out. I held the door for them, and as they passed me, I heard one of them say, "Oh God, he stinks!" and they both laughed.

Needless to say I was angered, but didn't say anything. I just thought to myself, You try working 11 hours and see how you smell! I did shower as soon as I got home though...

[RockCoCougars]

Bottom line is, everyone says that they would like to be flat out told when they reek, but when that happens, it has to sting. I just try to ignore the scent and/or avoid the person. Generally, stinkiness is not an isolated thing, it is a chronic issue.

[Schlitz001]

All I will add is that I would hate to be told indirectly that I smell bad. In other words I don't want someone sniffing the air around me and then telling me or a friend that "something smells funny". If I smell bad either tell me or don't.

[lukevan]

I'd probably never tell someone they had BO or bad breath. I figure we were all smelly before they came out with deodorant, running water and binaca. That's not to say I don't try not to smell nice for everyone around me!

 

Dang, now I sound like an "au naturel" hippie!

[dadofandrew]

I also worked in a delivery place for 5 years, and during the Summer, it was probably about 90-95 in there. We were told to use plenty of deo when out of the place delievering food, so on hot, humid nights, I would put some on every 2-3 hours. Often, one of the owners, who was a heavier guy and wore an apron over his clothes, would comment how badly I smelled AFTER putting on the deo, as in "What's that girlie smell?"

 

Of course, at the end of a hot night, his shirt would be soaked through several times, and he was far from clean scented.

 

I had to talk to a couple people at work over the years about it, and it's a terrible talk to have to have.

[bullox]

I figure we were all smelly before they came out with deodorant, running water and binaca.

That's why I guess there is a distinction between 'before' and 'after' they came out with those items.