Seinfeld-isms

[jaybird2001wi]

What are your favorite Seinfeld moments and quotes? One of my favorites is when George Costanza convinces Yankee management to switch to cotton jerseys, and also when George tries to get fired from the Yankees because a better job is offered with the Mets. George attaches the World Series trophy to his car and drives it around the parking lot.

 

When Elaine passes her drug test (asks Jerry's mom for her urine specimen)

Peterman: Elaine, you have passed the drug test. But apparently you tested positive for osteoporosis.

Elaine: Thanks! When am I going overseas with you?

Peterman: Frankly, Elaine you have the metabolism of a 55 year old woman. Are you going through menopause?

[Brily0204]

"You Don't Have to Worry About Me. I Won a Contest."

[chuckiehacks]

From the Marine Biologist episode:

 

George: "The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli."

____________

 

From the episode where Elaine and Susan hang out together:

 

George: "You have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world then George Costanza as you know him ceases to exist. You see, right now I have Relationship George. But there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with... Movie George, Coffee Shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George."

Jerry:

"I love that George." George: "Me too, and he's dying. If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George. A George divided against itself cannot stand!"

[lukevan]

"Jerry? Just remember, it's not a lie, if you believe it."

[dadofandrew]

"I've been outed, I've never been in!"

 

Classic double entendre statement.

 

There are probably several good lines every episode, but that's my favorite.

[Glennron]

"Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You can't stare at it long, it's too risky. You get a sense of it then you look away."-Jerry

"The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli" - George

 

I could probably post hundereds of these.

[burniebrewer]

Read my signature below this.

 

My friends and I do this at work all day, every day. Nothing but Seinfeld quotes for every situation we encounter.

[PKBadger]

"You stopped short with my wife! That's my move!"

[jlau20]

"You know, if you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life, and condense it down into one day, it looks decent."

- George Costanza

 

...I used that one for my senior quote.

[nBo Baseball]

When we were dating my future wife cathy said I was "Sponge Worthy"

[bacon06]

Instead of wishing people a happy birthday, I give them this nugget:

 

"Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing." -Jerry Seinfeld

[OglivieHomePerm]

Kramer: ...what are you thinking about, Jerry:? Marriage? Family?

 

Jerry: Well...

 

Kramer: They're prisons. Man made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?

 

Jerry: Really?

 

Kramer: Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating.

 

Jerry: I can?

 

Kramer: Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?

 

Jerry: What?

 

Kramer: You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day?

 

Jerry: Boy.

 

Kramer: It's sad , Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs..

 

Jerry: I'm glad we had this talk.

 

Kramer: Oh, you have no idea.

[Baldkin]

"Like a frightened turtle!" ~Jerry

 

Kramer: George, why would I, a Julliard trained dermatologist, send him to another doctor?

George: Because, you're not a dermatologist.

 

"It's not a lie, if you believe it" - George Costanza

[sbrylski]

Marine Biology Episode:

 

Kramer: (still over excited) Who wants to have some fun!

 

[later]

 

Kramer: Hey ya want these (He throws down the golf clubs) I don't want em!

 

 

Here's a link scripts for all episodes - http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/

[GAME05]

that's one magic loogie.

[TerraceReserved]

girlfriend: It's not you, it's me.

 

George: You're giving me the "it's not you, it's me" routine? I invented "it's not you, it's me". Nobody tells me it's them not me, if it's anybody it's me.

 

girlfriend: All right, George, it's you.

 

George: You're *damn* right it's me.

[temke]

"I'm out!"

 

enough said

[BrewCrewLifer]

Kramer: "I'm out there Jerry...and I'm loving every minute of it!!"

 

 

Also just wanna say that after x-mas I will be the proud owner of all 9 seasons of Seinfeld.

[Menotti80]

From, "The Maid":

 

Elaine: "Uhh. You sank my submarine!"

Jerry: "Elaine....."

Elaine: "Kapuhhhh"

 

Computer Voice: "You have a collect call from - "

Kramer: "Hey Buddy Don't say no!"

...

KRAMER: "Hey, I'm on first and first. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe."

JERRY: "Just wait there. I'll pick you up, and, Kramer, stay alive no matter what occurs, I will find you!"

KRAMER: "Ahhh!"

 

 

 

 

From "The Dealership":

 

Jerry: "I think the candy comes out over there"

George: "People can drop change down here, JERRY. And they're too lazy to pick it up."

Jerry: "Either that, or they've got a little hang-up about lying face-down in filth."

 

Kramer: "Well, I almost did once, and I blacked out. When I came to, the car was in a ditch, and the tank was full. I don't know who did it, and I never got to thank them!"

 

 

(This is my fav scene from "The Dealership"http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/smile.gif

 

GEORGE: "I'd like to report a problem with one of your mechanics."

WILLIE: "When did you bring the car in?"

GEORGE: "Yeah right.. I'm gonna get my car repaired at a dealership. Why don't I just flush my money down the toilet?"

WILLIE: "Sir, what, exactly, is the problem?"

GEORGE: "One of your guys - Kip, or Ned, short name - stole my Twix candy bar!"

WILLIE: "Are you saying he grabbed the candy bar away from you?"

GEORGE: "He might as well have! I caught him, and his face was covered in chocolate and cookie crumbs."

WILLIE: "I thought you said it was a Twix."

GEORGE: "Oh, it was. But he claimed it was a 5th Avenue bar."

WILLIE: "Maybe it was."

GEORGE: "Oh, no, no. Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch."

WILLIE: "What about the $100,000 bar?"

GEORGE: "No. Rice and caramel."

WILLIE: "Nougat?"

GEORGE: "No."

WILLIE: "Positive?"

GEORGE: "Please."

WOMAN: "Didn't they chang the name from $100,000 bar to 100 Grand?"

GEORGE: "All I want is my seventy-five cents back, an apology, and for him to be fired!"

WILLIE SR: "I remember when you used to be able to get a Hershey for a nickel!"

MAN: "What's the one with the swirling chocolate in the commercial?"

GEORGE: "They all have swirling chocolate in the commercial!"

WILLIE SR: "Not Skittles!"

WILLIE: "Dad, I told you you could sit here only if you don't talk."

WOMAN: "You make your father sit here all day?"

WILLIE: "He likes it!"

GEORGE: "Alright! Do you mind? I have the window! Now, what are you gonna do about my Twix?"

MAN: "Twix has too much coconut."

GEORGE: "No! There's no coconut!"

WOMAN: "I'm allergic to coconut."

WILLIE: "I'm not."

WILLIE SR: "A nickel!"

 

 

i could do this all night. lol

[Pedro]

Kramer: Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?

 

Jerry: What?

 

Kramer: You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day?

Having as I do a wife and kids, this is one of my all time favorites. My wife and I can't sit at the dinner table and ask "How was your day today?" without cracking up. The kids think we're nuts.

 

[logan82]

These are the ones I keep thinking of especially with the whole Mitchell Report thing.

 

"Yes he was, and you know why? Because he was betrayed by people he trusted. They "named names". "

 

"I know that address. You're Benes, right. You're on our list. No more delivery."

[Patrick425]

"But I don't want to be a pirate!"

 

http://images.yuku.com/image/bmp/f262595991707f6791b1dec1e26e63d9d5fcf1f.bmp

 

"The Ukraine is weak."

 

http://images.yuku.com/image/pjpeg/97b1579976f7921b4eba732e60d49859ad955c4.pjpg

 

 

[giffted1]

The Strike:

Frank Costanza: "Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way."

Kramer: "What happened to the doll?"

Frank Costanza: "It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born, a Festivus for the rest of us."

[pitchleague]

"Believe it or not

George isn't at home

please leave a message at the beep.

I must be out

Or I'd pick up the phone.

Where could I be?

Believe it or not, I'm not home."

 

I cannot make it through the Greatest American Hero theme song without singing this instead.

[danzig6767]

Kramer: ...what are you thinking about, Jerry:? Marriage? Family?

 

Jerry: Well...

 

Kramer: They're prisons. Man made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?

 

Jerry: Really?

 

Kramer: Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating.

 

Jerry: I can?

 

Kramer: Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?

 

Jerry: What?

 

Kramer: You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day?

 

Jerry: Boy.

 

Kramer: It's sad , Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs..

 

Jerry: I'm glad we had this talk.

 

Kramer: Oh, you have no idea.

That is a classic one, i'm Kramer in that convo. A few others i love

 

ELAINE: (Smiling) I want to be in on this, too.

GEORGE AND JERRY: (Rejecting) Ohh, no. No, no, no..

ELAINE: Why?

JERRY: (Showing difference) It's apples and oranges..

ELAINE: What? Why? (More 'no, no, no's from Jerry and George. Persistent) Why?

JERRY: Because you're a woman!

ELAINE: So what?

JERRY: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man.

ELAINE: (Sarcastic) Oh.

JERRY: We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh.. shaving.

ELAINE: Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.

KRAMER: (Making a point) Not everyday.

This one always cracks me up because of the look on Elaine's face

bob sacamano has also a condom factory in Edison (The fix-up)

 

Kramer: Look at this, he gave me a gross.

George: What are you gonna do with all of them?

Kramer: Oh, well... Come on, take some Jerry.

Jerry: No thanks, they look like they came out of a cereal box...

Kramer: Come on, Elaine, here, take half a bag.

Elaine: Half a bag? What am I, a hoooker!