Fighting winter/Holiday depression

[jaybird2001wi]

For some reason, this has been the worst Holiday/winter depression I have had, ever. I have had a tough year (DUI, car totalled, rift with my family every week almost). Things just don't seem to be going my way at all right now. I have tried to find a new job and jobs in Racine/Kenosha are non-existent for a guy who is considered smart and has a few years of college, without the piece of paper. On top of all of that, This has just been the most lonely time for me ever. Is there anything out there for a guy who has a ton of promise but things just plain stink right now?

[GAME05]

maybe you need a little time and space from your family, maybe be in contact with them half as often and let everything cool down.

 

Make sure you're eating right. It sounds odd maybe, but when you're blue, lay off the heavy, meaty or greasy foods for a while and stick to greens and low-fat stuff. It's made a difference for me in the past. Also stay away from the booze.

 

Be sure to exercise or find free clubs/activities to join. Negative energies build up and need a release point, and if you don't stay busy they go to your head and then you dwell and feel worse. Heavy bags work awesome for this, too.

[DuWayne Steurer]

Stay out of malls, Wal-Marts, and Targets. Crowds in those places this time of year can really make you hate people.

[Menotti80]

try moving somewhere and getting a change of scenery. i dont know your living situation now (renting/leases, etc) and i'm not suggesting you move hours or states away, but move 30-45 min away, get into a short lease, meet some new people, and maybe some other opportunites will come up.

 

you can always come up to milwaukee to get away for a weekend night. good times usually go down in brew-town.

[colbyjack]

jaybird, I'm going to take your post as a public cry for help. You've hinted at being depressed in the past, and I really, really think you need to reach out to someone if you're coming to a fansite of the Milwaukee Brewers and sharing these very personal thoughts with us. I'm honored that you think that much of us to do so, but seriously, you need to talk to someone in person and in confidence.

 

If you don't have health insurance that covers this, I know there are a lot of doctors out there that will give a reduced rate. Grab a phone book and start making some calls, or make a trip to your family doctor and ask for a reference. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about seeking professional health.

 

In the meantime, life is meant to be seized. I know you live at home and are without transportation, but how close are you to a bus line that could take you to downtown Racine, Kenosha, Milwaukee or even Chicago? Get out there, don't shut yourself in and further yourself from actual human interpersonal communications (meaning, not online). Try to find some support groups for people suffering from similar symptons or just try to expand your mind by visiting libraries, museums, etc.

 

Figure out a way to get back in school to finish up your degree. If money is an issue, you have the rest of your life to pay off college loans. I've heard plenty of stories of people without a college degree being successful, but I've heard a lot more about people looking and looking for a decent, honest day's work and pay because they don't have a degree.

 

The holiday season has always been known to bring out the best and worst in people. Be pro-active with your situation and turn a perceived negative into an opportunity to change your life for the better.

 

Best wishes to you.

[trwi7]

Stay out of malls, Wal-Marts, and Targets. Crowds in those places this time of year can really make you hate people.

 

And avoid driving in Waukesha. Man I went to the DMV yesterday and the roads suck and people suck at driving in Waukesha.

[Brian the Automator]

Is there anything out there for a guy who has a ton of promise but things just plain stink right now?

If Juan Pierre can find work, you can find work.

 

[jlau20]

And avoid driving in Waukesha. Man I went to the DMV yesterday and the roads suck and people suck at driving in Waukesha.

We're not that bad, c'mon. I'll give you that the roads do suck however.

If Juan Pierre can find work, you can find work.

This should probably be the uplifting quote of this winter.

 

[TURBO]

Don't turn to alcohol to dull the feelings of depression, that will only make things worse. Since that was one of the reasons for your problems to begin with, stay away from it, find something else to do instead.

Colby is right, you are reaching out, and that is a good thing, but you need to reach out to the right people, and an internet message board is probably not the best place to get the help you need.

 

good luck man...

[GAME05]

There are free phone services for this if you don't want to do a therapist or don't want to talk to a friend about it. make an anonomous phone call, pour your heart out and they'll never know who you are.

 

if you minimize it at all, think you can just give yourself time, or even feel you can analyze yourself out of it, don't convince yourself that it's going to work. Instead find someone else--anyone at this point--who you can talk to and give you another perspective.

[craigharmann]

Depression is not a fun thing. My wife goes through seasonal depression (she's from Texas, and living in Wisconsin...enough said), and it's tough to try to get to do things when she doesn't want to. It really sounds like you're going through a rought patch right now. I've been going through a lot of questions for the last 2 years, as to what I'm supposed to do with my life. And I'm 30!! Anyway, as has been suggested, try to exercise (a help with most anything), talk about it, and no matter what, stay positive. Things will perk up. It may not always be as soon as you want them to, but they will.

[And That]

I'm going to echo Craig's comments about exercise. While not a replacement for talking about stuff with someone, I can tell you from experience that exercise can go a long way toward fighting depression. I believe some studies have shown that regular, every day moderate-intensity exercise has the same effects on the brain as many of the popular anti-depressant medications out there. It's a really great release for frustration, and once you get into the habit of doing it, it's something you start to look forward to. And looking forward to things, good things, helps you break free of the rut.

 

I've also been going through the "what am I supposed to do with my life" thing for years now. For instance, I'm really good at accounting, went to a school known for their accounting program, and now have realized I truly hate doing it. So I'm working at Target until I figure out what the next step is. The things I want to do I'm not terribly good at, and the things I'm good at drive me nuts. It takes work to find passion and middle ground. You'll get there.

 

Cheers.

[brettac1]

I believe some studies have shown that regular, every day moderate-intensity exercise has the same effects on the brain as many of the popular anti-depressant medications out there.

 

I'll echo that. Exercise kicks depression's ass, and it's much better than being a slave to a pharmaceutical. I usually will just go a couple miles on the treadmill, and feel quite a bit better. And I deal with the whole seasonal affective thing, too, I think a lot of people do. I hate cold weather and I hate snow.

 

I have a job that I pretty much enjoy, too, and I'm on my feet and moving around and constantly doing something pretty much all day. Which helps, because you're distracted. So, definitely try and find work, even if it's something you're over-qualified for.

[dadofandrew]

St. John's wort is a "home remedy" for depression as well. I never knew that until I began working with senior citizens.

 

Jaybird, not to be crass, but you're young and as far as I know, healthy. I also believe you're unattached. These should be the best days of your life, or at least the most worry free. In addition to exercise, I'd suggest going to the library and picking up a few classic books, or maybe some of your favorite author or genre.

 

Finally, I have known a few folks who have been in your situation who have just taken $500 (or all they had) and drove/rode a bus to a city they had heard good things about, or one who, amazingly, went to Greyhound and asked for a ticket on the next bus going out-of-state (that person ended up spending several years in Oregon). It's fun to plan, pack, and all that, and there's a sense of mystery/suspense, it's kind of like a living a movie script. Worst case scenario, you hitch back home in a couple weeks.

 

Life is far too short to dread daily life. I know you write...do you have an idea for a novel? By the time you finish that, you might be old enough to retire!http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/wink.gif I came up with an idea about 5 years ago, and to quote Steven Wright, I'm half-done...I've numbered the pages.

[bando1234]

Hey Jay,

I too deal with seasonal depresion. My mother was diagnosed with termanal liver cancer Decemeber 17th 1989. She passed away 3 month later. I was 17. I loved Christmas. For the past 19 years I cant stand Christmas. My kids dont really understand why(nor does my wife) but I was coming around a little bit. Last year one of my coworkers 2 year old son was diagnosed with cancer, & it brought all my old feelings back. Me and another person(awomen with a full head of hair) shaved our heads to raise money for their trip in Minnesota. Unfortunatly he did not make it. It put things in perspective for me. To be thankful for what I have & to live one day at a time. I have high highs & low lows however I think of tomarrow as wiping the slate clean.

By the way I never saw a counsler for my mothers death beacuse I thought I was tough guy & I could make it thru it. This year for the first time I saw a counsler for different problems(a whole new post). It does help.

Exercising works too, except I found when I was weightlifting too much, I felt like I wanted to explode at someone. Cardio/moderate lifting/good diet/plenty of sleep are big helps too.

Good Luck Jay

[JimH5]

While I am a church member and the advice that I'm offering is church related, please don't consider this to be evangelism. People have their own reasons to attend or not attend church and I'm completely fine with people doing whatever they want to with regard to religion.

 

With that disclaimer out of the way, I find a real wholesomeness this time of year in listening to small church choirs belt out classic Christmas anthems and hymns. Usually, it's a bunch of retirees, schoolteachers, accountants, moms, dads and normal folks creating terrific music. There's something great about the "common man" sound where it's not pitch-perfect, and maybe not always on tempo, but its full of life and energy and gladness that really is great.

 

Some people find that same sense in local high school chorus or band concerts, or other community music events.

[SoCalBrewfan]

Perhaps the most important thing is to recognize that you need the help of a professional. Don't be ashamed...depression can have many causes, situational, seasonal, etc., but also has physical / biochemical components. It's not unusual for people to struggle with issues of this type at your age, and it's doubly hard if you feel like you have nobody to turn to. That's particularly true at this time of year, when the pressure is on everyone to be happy and perfect, and all the images you see are of whole happy families with tastefully appointed homes and luxury cars. Reality doesn't always measure up, of course, and it's tough when you feel like you should be happy but are completely in a funk.

 

There's good advice here about exercise, eating and sleeping well, moderating alcohol, but I think those things are most effective when you're talking about mild and situational depression, and as preventative medicine. When you're in a really deep funk, taking even those steps can seem oppressive...and it's a self-perpetuating condition because you let things slide and your situation only gets worse. Advice that you should pull yourself up and start living your life might be sound, but it also might not be at all helpful when you're in the midst of something like this...sometimes it's all you can do to get out of bed, and then someone is telling you to cheer up and move to Portland? Please recognize that nobody here really knows anything about the particulars of what ails you...only a trained professional is really in a position to make that call.

[EsoxLazer]

I hear ya on the seasonal depression. While I don't have the exact problems that you do, I have a great deal of medical problems both personally and with other family members/friends. These problems keep me from doing the things that I love the most which only adds to the other depression that I feel. Excersize, eating well, and staying active have been keys to overcoming the feelings of depression that Ive had in the past. Another thing that Ive done is to take a look at the big picture. Think about how many people out there have things so much worse than many of us do. I have my share of problems with my family but many people don't have any family at all. Spending a bit of time away from them or keeping in contact with them a bit less may help to ease the tension and make them realize how important a good family bond is and should be. One last thing that I have done when I'm feeling blue around the holidays is to help other people. If you have a shelter or food bank around you, spend a bit of time doing some volunteer work to help those less fortunate. The smiles that you see on the faces of those that you are helping can be very uplifting. It may not be a long-term solution but it will give you a temporary reprieve from your sadness...when I feel like this, any reprieve is great. The absolute worst thing that you can do is to keep to yourself and sit around the house. Ive done that far more than I like to admit and its been nothing but additional trouble. Going out or being around people may feel like the last thing in the world that you want to do but after getting out you will realize that your sadness/overall bummed out feeling will go away or at least temporarily subside. If you can start stringing some of these nights together you will soon realize that things can and will get better and that even the smallest things will make a huge difference.

 

As others have said, professional help can also be a great way to ease your sadness. I always thought that I could tough things out and didn't need any professional help. After finally getting up the courage to see someone I realized that I should have done it long before I did. If nothing else, being able to talk to someone that has no first hand knowledge of the situation makes it much easier to open up. The person/people that you talk to will not judge you in any way and many times can help you to figure out the underlying issues that may leave you feeling this way. I didn't want to go down the prescription route but going to speak to someone once a month helped me more than I could have ever imagined. It may seem like a never ending cycle but there is most definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep your head up and be thankful for what you have. Like I said, depression runs in my family and I have plenty of first hand knowledge so feel free to e-mail me at any time if you want to talk or just need a sounding board to vent on. elazenby19@yahoo.com. Take care of yourself and let us know which route you decide to take.

[Cracked Bat Collector]

Start an exercise program, I guarantee you will feel better. It may sound odd but believe me exercise helps.

[aracko]

Try going tanning. I think its vitamin D or something that we lack and can be replaced by tanning. Id really go ahead and give it a shot - see if you feel better when you leave.

[berniebrewer4life]

Stay out of malls, Wal-Marts, and Targets. Crowds in those places this time of year can really make you hate people.

QFT. Especially when you work in one. I actually have an extreme dislke for Christmas time(note: Not Christmas itself), because of the way people treat others in retail stores.

The holiday is supposed to be about caring about your fellow man and all the good things about mankind, but what is more often shown is the shallow and selfish attitude that really makes me sick. It seems that many people have forgotten the true meaning of the holidays, and we are sorely in need of another Scrooge-style wake up call.

 

/rant

 

[homer]

I'll suggest volunteering somewhere. It's amazing how working at a soup kitchen can put your own problems in perspective.

[gypcasino]

The only thing I have to add is regarding the professional help. If your therapist isn't helping find another one. Don't waste your time with someone you're not connecting with.

[GAME05]

i'll admit i'm having a pretty sucky holiday season this year, too. not visiting any family this year, ex gf has a new guy but i'm still crazy for her, and things generally feel suffocating. friend's fiancee is away without him for christmas, so i'll be visiting him which is going to help immensely. still, can't wait for the 26th.

 

say, first poster, one of my work benefits is a toll-free masters-degree psychologist's helpline. i'll look into it a little more, but you can PM me for the number. it's anonymous.