The Onion, on the Red Sox

[hawing]

It's kind of Brewers-related:

 

Red Sox Attempt To Break Fabled 'Curse of Relief Pitcher Curtis Leskanic'

[TooLiveBrew]

Pitted against the Colorado Rockies in the 2007 Fall Classic, the team that for two long years seemed like it might be destined to lose forever has a chance to finally put an end to its 36-month-long World Series drought. However, the Red Sox must first overcome the famed Curse of Curtis Leskanic, which caused medium-to-long-suffering fans much anguish and heartache during the period between 2005 and 2006.

"It will take a miracle for the Sox to win the World Series as long as the spirit of Leskanic has anything to say about it," wrote Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy, who coined the phrase "Curse Of The Former Red Sox Relief Pitcher Curtis Leskanic" in March of 2005, when an error by shortstop Edgar Renteria allowed the Devil Rays to defeat the Red Sox 7-4 in a spring training game. "This curse will play a huge part in this series. Every home run that curves just foul, every dropped fly ball, every bad hop, every blown call-Curtis Leskanic will be there."

Gawd I love the Onion. Their addition of a sports section this past year only makes me wonder, 'why not sooner?'

[TheBrewer]

personally its interesting to hear his name again and know what hes up to right now, but at the same time though, in my opinion the article is kinda stupid and dumb thats just my take on it

[dadofandrew]

I wonder if the Onion was ever funny. That was about as unfunny as it gets.

[Fatter than Joey]

I wonder if the Onion was ever funny. That was about as unfunny as it gets.

 

You stole this bit from Andy Rooney.

[Patrick425]

I wonder if the Onion was ever funny. That was about as unfunny as it gets.

Really? You don't think the Onion is funny?!

 

I think it's hilarious. I read it just about every week. My favorite is the street interviews..I didn't like that they shortened that and made it 3 people instead of 6...always the same people.

[BCZF]

The Onion is great.. Of course it was better when it was in Madison/Milwaukee, but no one's perfect..

[hawing]

I didn't like that they shortened that and made it 3 people instead of 6...always the same people.

 

I think they're still using the same six people, just three at a time. I remember the first round of six people, who all looked more student-y (from when the paper was based in Madison).

 

Note the article also mentions Scott Podsednik and Tony Graffanino.

[Team Canada]

No Al, it's just you.

[SeriesFinale]

I wonder if the Onion was ever funny. That was about as unfunny as it gets.

 

And you kids get off my lawn!

[And That]

I wonder if the Onion was ever funny. That was about as unfunny as it gets.

Oof.

 

[RyDogg66]

I wonder if the Onion was ever funny. That was about as unfunny as it gets.

It was never funny, was never successful, and nobody reads it for those reasons.

 

Or it might just be you. I dont know, one or the other.

[homer]

Al = Andy Rooney?

[Fatter than Joey]

Al = Andy Rooney?

 

His writing style though is more of a Larry King type.

[And That]

This is *almost* WHOA SOLVDD worthy. But that I mentioned it, ruins it. Dang!

[Fatter than Joey]

This is *almost* WHOA SOLVDD worthy.

 

I wonder if this thread was ever WOAH SOLVDD worthy? This thread was about as unWOAH SOLVDD worthy as it gets?

[TheBwaz]

It ain't just the same six. By brother worked for them as a headline writer for a time; they paid by the # of headlines of yours they published. If the headline was good, they would use it for a full story.

 

The Onion swings and misses sometimes, but I can still pick it up for free. The AV Club in the print edition, plus what is going on in Milwaukee is great. Red Meat is awesome.

[jaybird2001wi]

"Prince Fielder Dies of Inside-the-park-homer"

[TerraceReserved]

"Barry Bonds Took Steroids: Reports Everyone Who Has Ever Watched The Game of Baseball"

[hawing]

How cool would it be for a thread I authored to make it to WOAH SOLVDD? Probably "not very" to anyone but me.

 

I fell for the Onion about a month into its inception, in fall 1988. I had just started grad school, with all my classes in Helen C. White Hall, and the headline one week read "Portrait Cries Real Tears", the portrait being Helen C. White's photograph that hangs (or at least used to) in the lobby by the elevators.

[And That]

I had just started grad school, with all my classes in Helen C. White Hall, and the headline one week read "Portrait Cries Real Tears", the portrait being Helen C. White's photograph that hangs (or at least used to) in the lobby by the elevators.

Not funny!

 

[thebruce44]

Sometimes it seems like they have a great headline and not much behind it for a full article. I think this partly explains why if the authors get paid for the headlines and not necessarily the story. This is why I think the short stories on the second page are usually my favorite part. Of course there is usually one full length article in each edition that I find funny throughout. I think my favorite article is still Study: Alligators Dangerous No Matter How Drunk You Are. If you don't think that is funny Al, then you really are a robot.

[slamotto.u]

While we are at it....here is my favorite Onion article: (Especially enjoyable for those with a Dairy Farming Background)

 

Animal-Rights Activists Release 71,000 Cows Into Wild

 

PRAIRIE DU CHIEN, WI-Members of the radical group Animal Liberation Front swept through a 900-square-mile region of Western Wisconsin Monday, freeing an estimated 71,000 cows from their human captors.

 

"These cows are finally free to run wild through the wilderness," said ski-masked ALF member "Brent," loosing a 200-head Guernsey herd from Milk-Rite Dairy in Reedsburg. "No creature should have to live in servitude to humans."

 

Within hours of the cows' release, police departments throughout the area began receiving reports of bovine fatalities.

 

"We've been getting calls all night long," Viroqua police chief Dale Chambers said. "So far, 43 cows have been hit by cars, 11 have fallen off bridges and drowned, and three have been electrocuted from chewing on power lines."

 

Among the 71,000 freed cows were 450 Jerseys from the Cumberland Dairy Farm near Prairie du Chien, liberated by a team of activists in a midnight raid. The cows were loaded onto trucks, then transported 100 miles north and freed in a forest clearing, where, as of press time, all 450 were standing around eating grass.

 

The long-distance transport of the Cumberland cows was deemed necessary in light of an event last August, when 80 Milking Shorthorns were released from the Miklewski farm in Beloit, only to wander back into their pens the next day.

 

"It was the greatest thrill of my life to have personally broken the padlock on the gate that cruelly held these cows," Animal Liberation Front member Ross Kreutzman said. "As long as I live, I'll never forget the lazy, sluggish look in those cows' eyes as I shoved them through the gate with all my might."

 

Animal activists are hailing the raid as a major victory for cows' rights.

 

"Cows do not belong in dairy farmers' pens. They belong out in the wilderness, where they may run free with the wolves and bears," PETA spokesperson Linda McCune said. "This raid was an important first step toward returning the proud, majestic cow to its natural environs."

 

Monday's cow release is the highest-profile raid for the Animal Liberation Front since October 1996, when the group released three million chickens into Yosemite National Park

[GenoSeligPrieb]

Al, was that your Andy Rooney impersonation from Borat?

 

The Onion is still available free in Chicago. My favorite sports story? This one's not so far-fetched:

 

Yankees Ensure 2003 Pennant By Signing Every Player In Baseball

 

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27656

[TooLiveBrew]

Since it's heading in this direction... this almost had me in tears (in public) from just reading the headline. I actually doubled back to pick up the paper after I'd walked by it.

 

Antonio Alfonseca Once Again Leads Major-League Relievers in Fingers

 

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41417

 

"Antonio has been through a lot this season, including some elbow problems and a trip to the DL," manager Jack McKeon said. "But in the end, he just went out there and had a lot of fingers."