How long should the hatred last?

[Hammer]

Hi all,

I am struggling with this and thought that someone here may be able to add a tidbit or two. I was unjustly fired from a sales job that I loved in January. I loved the job, my customers and most of all...the company I worked for. I was with this company for over 3.5 years but a regular salesman that I didn't get along with was promoted above me and the wheels fell off. I was unjustly disciplined in August of 2006 for "poor customer service" (which is the biggest slap in the face possible for a person in sales), denied a raise in May of the same year (he "forgot to put it through") and then fired in January of 2007 for once again getting "customer complaints". I had never had a customer complaint in my career before those popped up. I have worked in sales since this happened and have not had a customer complaint.

My question is: How long should I hate my previous boss? It took me about a whole week after getting fired to get a wink of sleep. It took me two months not to wake up sweating about the situation in the middle of the night. To cap it off, I still get calls from my old customers and these seem to keep me awake at night (hence the 4 am post here). Is this normal? I feel like I should have been able to let this go a long time ago but every time I speak with a former coworker or customer all of the conversations on the day I got fired in January come right back.

Am I crazy or is this normal?

Hammer

[trwi7]

Sounds normal to me. Especially if you still have customers from the job you got fired from still calling you, you must have been doing something right. I have a question though. He was promoted so is he now the head or is there someone else that's still the boss of him? Because if there's someone above him I'd go to him and tell him the situation and see what's going on.

[JimH5]

I still harbor ill feelings toward people who wronged me in elementary school more than 30 years ago. Curse you, Rick. And then there was the guy who cut my salary by 30 percent with no notice in 1986. You're still a chump, Mark.

 

And while I haven't forgotten these losers, I still have moved 99.9 percent of my life on to better things.

 

It sounds as though you are putting a very large emphasis on the role that this job had in your life. Your reputation was scarred, and you lost something you really liked.

 

But what about the other stuff? Your family, your friends, the Brewers, your hobbies? There are so many more important things than your job and where the money is coming from.

 

You're always going to hate this guy, but you've got to fill in the gaps with other stuff that makes your life more pleasant. Your current employer and the rest of the people around you deserve you to live in October--not in January.

[Jimbo]

How long should I hate my previous boss?

Forever.

 

I still resent the people who wronged me back in the early 90's. I look forward to the day when I can whiz on their graves.

[hawing]

Well, there's no prescribed limit for hating/scorning someone who wronged you. I think most everyone has at least a mental blacklist. (Even hawing.) But if it's disrupting your life nine months later, I would consider seeking assistance for that. This reminds me of an experience I had recently:

 

We moved a couple of years ago, from a house I really liked, under odd circumstances (a corporate neighbor asked to buy us out). The transaction actually turned out favorably, but I felt like we'd "sold out" and was unhappy/angry about that. About 8-9 months later I called my clinic, told them I needed help putting an issue behind me, and saw a therapist. After a few visits it became easier for me to accept and enjoy our new location (though I still won't drive by the old house).

 

Seeking that kind of help does not mean you're crazy. If your foot hurt to the point of keeping you up at night, you'd get it checked. Your psyche should be no different. Just consider it, in case this thread doesn't put you at ease.

[GAME05]

you were going to get fired no matter how well you worked. no boss wants a guy under him who doesn't like him. sounds like he was trying to get you to quit and building up customer complaints over a year was only his way of justifying the firing and not any truthful comment about your work. he would have said anything.

 

just go get a job at your competitor and bring all your old customers with you. that'd feel sweet.

[splitterpfj]

I've been in sales and marketing for a long time....congratulations, you built some great relationships with your accounts, that will carry you if you can keep your head up. See if one of them will hire you, or at least refer you to your next job. I got into my current position by helping my old accounts....one of them wound up making me a partner in his business.

 

Believe in you, this other guy is just a motivator - keep moving.

[PKBadger]

Don't get mad...get even.

 

When your old customers call you, convince them to take their business elsewhere. You don't have to go into the specifics about your situation, but tell them the company is suffering from poor management and hasn't been doing enough to best service its customers.

 

Hit 'em in the pocketbook.

[Hammer]

I really appreciate all of the suggestions. I am only bothered by this about once or twice a month lately so I guess that it is starting to go away in earnest. I am currently working for a good company in a very different field (still in sales, different product set) but am honestly thinking about looking for a career with a company that is in direct competition with my former employer. As Game and KegStand said...hitting that boss in the pocketbook would be the ultimate vindication http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/smile.gif

Thanks again all!!

[craigharmann]

Not to take this on a religious bent, but I was basically fired from a position at a church not because of anything I did, but because the church didn't have any money. The problem with it was that they went behind my back and talked to other people about filling in when I was gone, and I had no clue my position was in jeopardy. That happened 2 years ago. I was ticked, but through it all, I've learned it's pointless to waste my time hating or being upset over something I had no control over and that I need to move forward and use my time for better things than stewing over what happened.

[rluzinski]

Worrying about getting even is about the worst thing you can do, IMO. What you need is emotional closure and you'll never get that by constantly scheming to get a "pay back".

[radman12484]

I had somewhat of a similar situation at my old job 3 years ago. I had worked at my old job for 2 years and was due to move into an assistant manager job. Then my boss and his boss decided to bring someone else in to a job he had no clue how to do. Asked me to train him and show him how to do everything. I showed him how do to everything thinking, "ok, they have something for me to move up or something." They ended up hiring another person to work in my same spot and took my hours. I decided to call in sick after I found out the news and the day after when I came in. I was fired. The reasoning behind the firing was I was "stealing." Thought it was pretty funny that they didn't call the cops or anything. Didn't ask for the stuff back or anything. Thats probably because I wasn't stealing.

 

Anyways moving onto 10 months later. The district manager decides to stop by me at the new job and tells me the guy who fired me (the manager) was stealing the stuff all along. The DM offered me the managers job on the spot and told him to kiss my you know what.

 

I decided to write this to show you I still hate that guy and would kick him in the head if I ever saw him again. So hate away.

[GAME05]

..but am honestly thinking about looking for a career with a company that is in direct competition with my former employer. As Game and KegStand said...hitting that boss in the pocketbook would be the ultimate vindication http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/smile.gif

yikes. i was thinking you didn't have a new job yet. you'd honestly quit your current job and go to an old competitor just to get revenge on a dude?

 

let it go, man.

[bacon06]

Revenge never solves anything. Sir Francis Bacon once said "In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior." Be the bigger man and turn the cheek. Just let the anger die out naturally and don't take childish actions out on people.

[patrickgpe]

I think it is perfectly normal. I feel like i got a raw deal while working a in only a college job in 2001 and haven't really fully let it go. My life has been much better that it happened, cause i moved on and found somewhere else to work during my final year in college and met some great people that i am still friends with. I wouldn't worry about pay back, id focus on moving on. I was in your shoes cause I too wanted to get payback until I realized my life is better for that happening, you just can't see that while its happening cause you are filled with anger and resentment.

[dadofandrew]

Just like in baseball, politics play a huge part in many places of employment. I was given a few options last December at my work, and I took the "let's separate" option, because I basically did not want to work where they did not like me (the phrase used was, "Your numbers are good, but we'd rather have someone else.")

 

Life is far too short to let such minutia bother you. If money is a big factor, I understand your feelings much more. I was able to negotiate a severance agreement and use savings thus far, as I try to build a clientele in sales myself.

 

One of my former employers pushed a lot of people out before I left, and that company still struggles and many people have gone on to great things. At the end of the day, it's just a job. It's not you or what you are. I'd much rather clock in, put some stuff on shelves, and clock out anyway.

[danzig6767]

I had a job for a little over a year where i absolutely hated the owner/boss.Her husband,the co-owner/boss was a great guy,but he was one of those wussy types who lets his wife control and walk all over him.Well everyone there hated his wife and during a very busy time,she fired a guy and another one quit.I for the most part had to cover for their most important clients plus mine and was putting in 65-70 hour weeks,yet the beotch had the nerve to give me her typical attitude sometimes,which her wimpy husband would apologize for.

 

I finally had enough and decided to myself that i'm quitting.So i waited for a time when some of her critical clients stuff was due and had to be finished.She came up to me and asked how the work was coming along,work which i had purposely dragged my feet on,and i told her not close to being done and that by the way,i quit.The look on her face was priceless and she actually said,you can't quit.To which i followed with,yes i can and do.I didn't get to apologize to her husband on the way out which i regret.

 

I generally never would quit a job without giving notice,not good for future references.That was an exception and about 3 months later i happened to get seated by her table while going out to eat.I couldn't help but smile as she glared at me,but did feel a bit bad for her husband sitting there with her.Part of it is his own fault for being a wuss,but he was a really nice guy.I can't imagine how miserable it must be to being around a woman like that all day at work and then having to go home with her.I'd stab myself in the eyeball with a fork before i'd live like that.

[Weirdos19]

About 20 years ago, I was 16 and working at the Quick Mart on the corner. The only other person staffed was the assistant manager, a bleach blonde, heavy, lazy woman who sat in the back room until it got busy or the manager showed up.

 

I went in one day for work (11-7 weekends) and was abruptly fired. Admittedly, my tills were continually short. But something was fishy. I would never steal.

 

Turned out that the assistant manager was not paying for her scratch off lottery tickets and was later fired. I felt vindicated, but shortly the manager quit too. After that my reason for dismissal was on paper and basically engraved in stone. Many, many times I was turned down for jobs that I was qualified for, with people saying they checked with the Quick Mart and the records said I got fired for stealing.

 

I since have had other retail jobs and now own my own bar, but that still sizzles in my brain every once in a while.

[Crazyk1294]

Weirdos19[/b]]After that my reason for dismissal was on paper and basically engraved in stone. Many, many times I was turned down for jobs that I was qualified for, with people saying they checked with the Quick Mart and the records said I got fired for stealing.

 

Wow, I'm pretty sure that's not legal (on the part of the Quick Mart that is).

 

Yeah, I got fired from a job almost a year ago now, right before Christmas. Sounded like a year end cost-cutting move to me and I'm still pissed. I'm reminded every time I drive past the place and go out of my way to stay out of that neighborhood if I can help it. Oh well...

[LouisEly]

Back to the original post - where was the company HR department in all of this, or is the company so small that it doesn't have an HR department? Have you talked to a labor law attorney? Are the customer complaints documented? The labor law attorney could at least give you some advice; if you can't do anything it will put your mind at ease, but if they violated law or your rights it could mean a nice settlement for you (or firing of the person who fired you).

[Hammer]

where was the company HR department in all of this, or is the company so small that it doesn't have an HR department?

I tried to get HR involved but they decided that they were more inclined to believe the Sales Manager instead of the Senior Account Manager. I was also given a month of severance pay and a written guarantee that they wouldn't fight unemployement if I kept my mouth shut. All in all, they were happy to get me out the door quietly as to not tarnish their reputation as a great young Milwaukee based company. I didn't speak with a labor law attourey because I was fresh out of a job, had a new house with a pretty good sized payment, two car payments and a son that had just turned one. I was pretty close to broke so I thought that an attourney may make it worse.

 

A couple of posters mentioned that I have a job and should just get on with life. If I was of the belief that my current job was a career type of job I would probably not be looking for something that would be in direct competetion with my old company. My new job is just a get me by situation until I find something that I could see myself doing for my career. The other reason that I want to work for a competior is the fact that I know the previous industry VERY well and want to maximize my past experience...

 

Thanks again all...

[bando1234]

Not that my situation is that similar because I have not been fired & I like the place that I work. A few years ago one of my better friends was hired for a higher position in our department which was never posted. Both her & I have the qualifications but it was just given to her . I think I could rest easier if I would have had the chance & was turned down. I never said a lot(although my feelings are known more about this now than I let on then.) because I did not want to hurt a friend.

 

Now a once former employee(worked their thru high school & some of college) has been hired back to manage an office. Again no posting however the policy manuel has changed saying they do not need to post the job internally. When I questions my supervisor & HR about this, I recived comments back as, we assumed you did not want a management position, you have no management expierence(which no one must have looked at my resume because thats all I had before I moved to this company plus employee a fresh out of college has none either), & you may have to move down to move further up. I do like my job , I get good raises, I work with some good people, but I dont feel any trust on any special projects or any other responcibilites other than what I have. Maybe I am going thru a mid life crisis.Well I guess I get the last laugh because they are paying for my counselling.

[logan82]

Management isn't all it's cracked up to be. You end up responsible and taking the fall for everybody working under you. Also leaves you in a position where you really shouldn't hang out with the people who work under you or it looks like you are playing favorites.