To Change a Light Bulb

[RightFieldCoder]

I've noticed a lot of fighting over in the Major League Forum. It might be just me, but there seems to be more bickering about minutea. I read this at another forum (CivFanatics dot com) and thought I would share it here. We could use this thread to put other jokes so we have somewhere to go to cool off. That and I need more jokes to steal from people to impress my friends.

 

 

How many message board posters does it take to change a light bulb?

 

1,240

 

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed;

 

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently;

 

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs;

 

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs;

 

53 to flame the spell checkers;

 

41 to correct spelling/grammar of the flames;

 

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb";

 

6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive;

 

156 to write to the site administrator about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this board;

 

109 to post that this board is not about light bulbs and to please take this thread to the litebulb board;

 

203 to demand that cross posting to grammar-l, spelling-l and illuminati-l about changing light bulbs be stopped;

 

111 to defend the posting to this board saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this board;

 

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty;

 

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs;

 

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and the post the corrected URL's;

 

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this board which makes light bulbs relevant to this board;

 

33 to link all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers and then add "Me too";

 

12 to post to the board that they are logging off because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy;

 

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three";

 

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ;

 

44 to ask what is "FAQ";

 

5 to BUMP up the post because we all still change lightbulbs;

 

17 to say "Didn't we already go through this on Usenet?"

 

22 to ask "What's Usenet?"

 

1 to count all the messages to make sure there are 1,240 members involved

[TooLiveBrew]

http://static.yuku.com//domainskins/bypass/img/smileys/laugh.gif

 

Awesome, thanks Robin.

[bigredrobbo]

How many Vietnam Vets does it take to change a light bulb?

 

I don't know...

 

Of course you don't know, man - you weren't there

 

 

http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/wink.gif

[dadofandrew]

Nothing funnier than degrading a vet...

[Mike Felder]

This was emailed to me awhile back, I enjoyed it.

At Marquette, it takes two. One to change the bulb and one to explain how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy Leaguer.

At St Norbert, it takes none. They don't screw.

At La Crosse, it takes 1, but it takes him 6 years.

At Madison, it takes five. One to screw in the bulb and four to figure out how to get high off the old one.

At Oshkosh, it takes three. One to change the bulb and two to phone a friend at UW Green Bay to get instructions.

At Parkside, none. All the students live at home so mommy and daddy change the light bulbs.

At Platteville, it takes 5. One to change the light bulb and 4 to hold the sheep still while he's on the ladder.

At Stevens Point, it takes seven and each one gets four credit hours for it.

At Stout, it takes eight. One to change it and 7 to about how they wouldn't have gone to Eau Claire even if they could have gotten in.

At Whitewater it take six, because that is how may people actually stay in the dorms on the weekend instead of going home.

At Milwaukee it takes four. One to change the bulb, one to steal the new bulb from the store, one to act as a lookout, and one to drive the getaway car.

At Eau Claire it does not have to be changed because all the parties are over before the lights need to go on so no one ever sees light from them anyway.

At Green Bay it takes twelve. Two to figure out how to screw it in and ten to find an ugly enough lamp shade to match their school colors.

At River Falls it takes zero. There is no electricity in River Falls, only cows and corn.

At Superior it takes five. Four to strap on snow shoes and hike ten miles to the nearest store to get the new bulb and one to screw it in.

At Carthage, it takes 1, he just holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

[saget]

That's why it's a joke. So it's not degrading.

 

I'll stick to my Billy Hall fact sheet for all my humor needs.

[temke]

Ive seen a bunch of those in a similar one about Big Ten schools:

 

HOW MANY BIG TEN STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

 

 

Well ... At Michigan it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy Leaguer.

At Northwestern it takes four. One to change the bulb, two to place bets on how long it will take, and one to run the book.

At Michigan State it takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three to figure out how to get high off the old one.

At Ohio State it takes five. One to change it, two to talk about how Woody would have done it, and two to throw the old bulb at Michigan students.

At Wisconsin it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At Illinois it takes seven, and each one gets four semester credit hours for it.

At Indiana it takes eight. One to screw it in, and seven to discuss how much brighter it shines during basketball season.

At Minnesota it takes twelve. Two to figure out how to screw it in, ten to find an ugly enough lamp shade to match their school colors.

At Penn Sate it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it better than Penn, and 50 who realize it's all a lie.

At Iowa it takes none. There is no electricity in Iowa.

[bigredrobbo]

Nothing funnier than degrading a vet...

 

Oh, man. Way to show off your sense of humor.

 

Okay then, since we have to watch who we make jokes about.

 

How many sabermetricians does it take to change a light bulb?

 

None - statistically, that light bulb should have lasted another week and a half...

[And That]

Nothing funnier than degrading a sabermetrician...

[bigredrobbo]

Has anyone else noticed that at the top of the page there are a bunch of banner ads for light bulbs?

 

Now THAT'S funny!

[1992casey]

You should see the ads that get produced when there's a steroid thread.

[Fatter than Joey]

You should see the ads that get produced when there's a steroid thread.

 

I hate that in my profile there are non-stop ads for BBW. I don't know what a BBW is -- but I don't want any part of it.

 

Nothing funnier than degrading a vet...

 

I agree 100% AL. I thought I was the only one that liked laying the smack down on vets. Aside from the elderly, it is low-hanging fruit.

[1992casey]

I hate that in my profile there are non-stop ads for BBW. I don't know what a BBW is -- but I don't want any part of it.

Big Beautiful Women. I should start a thread in Issues that focuses on how to attempt to prevent that. Consider it on my to-do list. http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/smile.gif

 

[Fatter than Joey]

Big Beautiful Women.

 

Egads. Now I know. They seem advanced at marketing.

[TooLiveBrew]

How many sabermetricians does it take to change a light bulb?

None - statistically, that light bulb should have lasted another week and a half...

http://static.yuku.com//domainskins/bypass/img/smileys/laugh.gif