Off-day? Simpsons!

[NeedMoreFans]

Lisa, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

[packfan79]

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

[PKBadger]

Hi everybody! You have reached 1-800-DOCTORB, the B is for bargain! Bye Everybody!

 

"Well if it isn't my old friend Mr. McGregg - with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!"

[jaybird2001wi]

Lisa: Mr. Hutz why are you burning all of your documents?

Lionel Hutz: As of now, Lionel Hutz does not exist. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez

 

---------------------

 

Homeless man: I just burned a building downtown and I am afraid I am going to do it again.

Chief Wiggum: Yeah right, let me just type it into my imaginery typewriter.

 

------------------

 

Chief Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me Chief Piggum

(court laughs)

Chief Wiggum: Ah, now I get it.

--------------------

 

Red Hot Chili Peppers: I thought you said there would 50,000 people here?

Moe: They were here last night, now get on stage the audience is getting restless.

Barney: We want Chili Willie, we want Chili Willie (lights lighter)

Bart: You guys want to be in the Krusty Comeback Special?

Chili Peppers: Sure, if you can get us out of here.

Bart: Hey Moe, look over there.

Moe: What? What am I looking at? What is that?

Homer enters

Homer: Can I get a Duff.

Moe: That'll cost ya

Homer: My wallets in the car!

Moe: Stupid.... now back to the wall.

[NeedMoreFans]

Aww...5 days, I'm mad now!

[endaround]

Lisa: No! I belong here! Please!

Homer: Don't worry, honey. We can't afford this now, but when

it's time, I promise my darling daughter can go to the

finest school there is ... in South Carolina.

Lisa: Oh! I will not be a Gamecock!

Homer: You will too! [Lisa continues her struggle, until her

grip on the bars finally slips]

Go Gamecocks!

Lisa: No!

[NeedMoreFans]

Jasper: Talking out of turn, that's a paddling. Staring out the window, that's a paddling. Looking at my sandals, that's a paddling. Paddling the school canoe, ohhh, you'd better believe that's a paddling.

 

_________

 

Homer: Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what's his name?

 

_________

 

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?

Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.

Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.

Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?

Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.

Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.

Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.

Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.

Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.

Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.

Homer: Bart, go to your room.

[dikapalooza]

Homer: I don't agree with his Bart killing policy...but I do agree with Selma killing policy.

Krusty: Well, he framed me for armed robbery...but man, I'm aching for that upper class tax cut.

[colbyjack]

Some fine Simpsons quotes shared already.

 

One of my all-time favorite quotes is one that MassHaas occasionally shares from Lionel Hutz:

 

Mr. Simpson. This is the most blatent case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story.

[bork]

Homer: This ticket gives me the right, no the duty to make a complete ass of myself.

 

Homer: Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a cue tip

 

Krusty: Ehh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my ehh heh heh heh, wasn't that great kids?

[Mike Felder]

Ralph: It tastes like burning!

 

Concert manager at Hullabalooza: Come on people, somebody ordered the London Symphony Orchestra...possibly while high...Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction...

 

Also from that episode...

[introductions]

"Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins."

"Homer Simpson, smiling politely."

[jaybird2001wi]

[dikapalooza]

I'm surprised no one has quoted this line, unless I missed it somehow:

 

Homer: To alcohol, the cause of...and solution to all of life's problems.

[jaybird2001wi]

Homer pretending to be Mr. Burns:

 

Sideshow Bob vs. Rakes:

 

Botched Prank Call to Moe's:

[jwill535]

(old batman them)nah nah nah nah fishing...fishing...

[dikapalooza]

Snake: Hey, that smells like regular. She needs premium, dude! PREMIUM!!! DUDE!!!

[fondybrewfan]

I thought this qoute might fit well here

 

Homer: Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that

[Ando Calrissian]

Ralph Wiggum: Me fail English? That's umpossible!

[PKBadger]

Barney: [in Moe's Tavern] And I say, that England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!

Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!

Barney: Lord Palmerston!

Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!

Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs!

[punches him out]

Moe: Yeah, that's showing him, Barn'!

[disbelieving]

Moe: Pitt the Elder...

Barney: Lord Palmerston!

[punches him out]

[hawing]

 [b]Homer[/b]: Around the house, I never lift a finger,
 As a husband and a father, I'm sub-par.
 I'd rather drink a beer than win father of the year,
 I'm happy with things the way they are.
 
[b]Lisa[/b]: I'm getting used to never getting noticed.
[b]Bart[/b]: I'm stuck here till I can steal a car.
[b]Marge[/b]: The house is still a mess,and I'm going bald from stress,
[b]Marge & Kids[/b]: But we're happy, just the way we are.
 
[b]Ned[/b]: They're not perfect,but the Lord says "Love thy neighbor."
[b]Homer[/b]: Shut up, Flanders.
[b]Ned[/b]: Okely-dokely-do.
[b]Shary[/b]: Don't think it's sour grapes,but you're all a bunch of apes,
 And so I must be leaving you! [/pre]

[hawing]

Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game Sunday morning.

Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.

Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning!

[dadofandrew]

Chiropractor: (after slight adjustment) How does that feel?

 

Homer: Hmm, better.

 

Chiropractor: Good, now I'll need to see you 3 times a week for the next several years.

 

 

I haven't seen that in a decade, so I'd say it's a paraphrase, not a quote

[Mike Felder]

Homer: I've seen PLAYS that were more exciting than this! Honest to God, PLAYS!

 

Pin Pals: You can do it, Homer! You can do it, Homer! Pretend it's baseball and hit us a homer!

Homer: By the way guys, rhyming Homer with homer? Mmmmmmmah!

[twobrewers]

Al - I believe the quote has the Chiropractor asking how it feels and Homer answers...

 

"That feels (!) ...a little ....better" (starting out really excited and calming down as he says it)

 

And then the ok, now see me for the next couple of years line.

[trwi7]

Marge: Is that my good butter?

Homer: Can't discuss that now Marge. I have to write another delicious memo. Mmm memo (content groan)

----------------------
Homer: Are we dueling or what?

Southern guy: Oh where are my manners?

Bart: Are you okay dad?

Homer: I think so, the bone stopped the bullet.

Lisa: Dad, this might be one of those things you should go to the hospital for.

Homer: After pie.