"I'm sorry" I just punched you in the face!

[NBBrewFan]

So I took my wife to a routine doctors appointment today and because we only go once a year I haven't set aside any memory for the exact office number.  I remember from the parking structure where it sorta is, but last year I swore it was the 3rd floor when it was the 4th.  So I decide to be a good chauffer and check online for the correct number. Got it right away from the online patient system. Check Google and it's in a weird location.  Pull up the medical center map and guess what.  None of the buildings are named with the same initials and where I am looking for the "3rd" building, the map has "east/west" buildings. No problem we will wing it.  Get there in no time, found it, little wait and when we are done I thought maybe I would mention that they don't match to the receptionist.  The response I got was "I'm sorry for that" blah blah blah. No worries, but it took a bit of digging to locate the correct location, I said.  "I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah".  So has anyone else brought this up, I inquire.  "I'm sorry, no".  At which point I look over at my wife who clearly has the "I'm smiling, but I want this conversation to be done, my summary to be printed and for us to be on our way" look on her face.  We get to the car having walked in silence and my wife mentions her surprise that they are still checking people as they enter for COVID symptoms.  My response "I'm sorry you were inconvenienced" in my kidding way and she starts screaming (not at me, but with me) that she is tired of people apologizing all the time.  We had an interesting conversation on the way home about how we have become desensitized to apologies because that's the first thing out of anyone's mouth/chatting/etc. when you are discussing customer service or issues or just asking about something.  And I realized and my wife feels the same that our physical and emotional response to "I'm sorry" is not the intended mellowing, but it results in anger at the severe end, but mostly irritation that I'm sorry is a replacement for "let's see if we can fix that or I can get you what you need". Has the customer service world of "just say you are sorry with every sentence" lead to the opposite, or at the least, a desensitization of our responses to "I'm sorry".  So I thought I would inquire by posting here whether others find themselves actually getting irritated when they are requesting customer service and the beginning of every sentence is "I'm sorry"?

For full disclosure, I once asked a customer service rep to stop saying "I'm sorry", because it really wasn't necessary to say it more than 5 times in a conversation and her response began "I'm sorry...".  And I said, "I just asked you not to say I'm sorry".  And her response. "I'm sorry". At which point I asked if she was intending to be confrontational and her response began with "I'm sorry". Swear on a bible. 

[jerichoholicninja]

I'm sorry but I have to agree with you. It really is something you just throw out there in conversation now with no actual remorse behind it. I haven't worked in customer service in close to 10 years but I remember when I did I would always say I'm sorry in the situations you describe because acknowledging a mistake, whether on my part or not, just seemed like it would make me look incapable or ignorant.

[young guns]

2 hours ago, NBBrewFan said:

For full disclosure, I once asked a customer service rep to stop saying "I'm sorry", because it really wasn't necessary to say it more than 5 times in a conversation and her response began "I'm sorry...".  And I said, "I just asked you not to say I'm sorry".  And her response. "I'm sorry". At which point I asked if she was intending to be confrontational and her response began with "I'm sorry". Swear on a bible. 

In some ways you are correct it does get annoying to be repeatedly told "I'm sorry" by someone who may or may not actually be sorry, but what do you want them to do honestly? It's something that is taught to use to deescelate the situation.  As someone who has worked customer service, what I quoted honestly makes you sound like a jerk and I feel bad for the woman who was on the other end of that conversation.

[DuWayne Steurer]

Many years ago when I started for a telecom company on the help desk, we absolutely had to apologize/say "I"m sorry you're having trouble today", and yes, it was literally a KPM/condition of employment that we had to say "I'm sorry".  Most of the people I knew and associated with hated doing it, understood that most of the people we talked to hated hearing it, but "market research" led them to believe that it was important to lead off the call with a fake and insincere apology.  When you're forced to say it, of course it's going to sound fake and crummy.  Important perspective when you get tired of the person saying "I'm sorry".  

[NBBrewFan]

57 minutes ago, young guns said:

In some ways you are correct it does get annoying to be repeatedly told "I'm sorry" by someone who may or may not actually be sorry, but what do you want them to do honestly?

I never call/chat to ask for an apology, I am trying to resolve an issue.  The fastest that can happen is the best outcome. What I want depends on the situation. Today at the doctors office I simply wanted to tell them there's a disconnect between their maps and what they have in the system for locations.  In that case a "thank you. I'll pass along that information and hopefully they will prioritize correcting that" would be a perfect response. Sure, lots of words, but I didn't bring it up to get an apology I am trying to inform them of an issue they might want to correct. When I'm contacting Grubhub for the 4th order in a row that I am missing an item, I don't want to chat with a representative who begins every response with "I'm sorry". I want the online system where I can report the missing item and get credit, but if you do it too often then they bump you to "talking" to a representative. So be like the online system.  Get the facts. move on. extraneous words bad.

[jerichoholicninja]

I call eBay customer service once every couple months and the person I talk to is almost always overseas. They say sorry a lot during the conversation and I just assume it's a language thing. It's easier to just say sorry instead of trying to come up with a bunch of words that makes sense in a second language.

[NBBrewFan]

I'm not sure I made it clear that I am fine with the obligatory "I'm sorry" to begin the "dialogue", what really is the maddening part is that almost every single sentence in reply starts with "I'm sorry". So a 5 sentence exchange has 3-5 "I'm sorry"'s.  Fine, get it out of the way to start, but stop repeating it every time.  I believe it really is the repetition that gets maddening. And I know it's being pushed down from the top because we actually know someone who is a receptionist for that health system and the crazy stuff that they require them to do is amazing.  

[wallus]

I work for a seasonal business that gets a lot of Karens. Customer service training says to say you're sorry and then let them ***** as long as they want until they say whatever they want.

The few times I didn't do this we got blasted with bad reviews saying we were rude. Rude pretty much means you didn't give them what they want or bow down to whatever stupid crap they were saying.

[GAME05]

Phew, I thought it was going to be a story about how you accidentally punched your wife in the face. I'm sorry for being mistaken:)

Not just customer service, but "I'm sorry" is said too much everywhere. I don't think I use it a lot, but my boss once told me to watch its use to complaints because "I'm sorry" implies some liability. Or just other cases when we say it despite having done nothing wrong. Or in discussions when we don't say anything wrong, but we apologize just because the other person doesn't agree.

[Samurai Bucky]

I suppose it depends on the type of business for which somebody is providing support.  I'm sure the goal is to ease the person on the phone, so "I'm sorry" would imply some type of empathy, I guess.

Since I'm in tech and applications, I'll often say, "Thank you for sharing... let me take a look to see what may be going on."  Of course, if I work with the person frequently, there might be the, "Dude... this is the third time you have done this during the week.  What's really going on here?" ?