The Great Hank the Dog Conspiracy (Latest: dental records and microchip evidence indicate that Hank is alive and well)

[Bikeage77]

I haven't seen this anywhere else on the boards, and if this belongs in Off Topic, then by all means move it.

 

As I'm sure you have read by now Brew Crew Ball has a theory that the original Hank the Dog has been replaced.

 

Tomorrow (Friday) the Brewers are holding a press conference about it.

 

http://m.mlb.com/cutfour/2016/03/03/166077336/brewers-announce-hank-the-ballpark-pup-conference

 

This is kinda surreal, but I guess not surprising since old ladies and kids NEED to know the truth. Anyway, chime in, don't, whatever.

[502 to Right]

This has to be the dumbest story of the year.

 

Homeless Hank vs. Pampered Hank.

 

It reminds me of the Blink 182 video for "The Rock Show." You know, the one where they replaced a homeless guy with someone well groomed and well dressed? NOT THE SAME GUY!!!!

 

[502 to Right]

Elvis was replaced by an imposter later in life.

 

NOT THE SAME PERSON!!!

[TURBO]

It isn't shocking, but they should have come clean if then original truly did die or was replaced...

 

I just wish they'd put this Hank charade to rest and let the little mutt ride off into the sunset.

 

NO MORE HANK THE DOG BOBBLEHEADS!

[502 to Right]

And OP, my posts are not directed at you. It's fair topic. I heard about this all day today on the radio.

 

Personally, I think Hank was a replicant all along. I think Deckard should investigate.

[Funketown]

I don't even know what to believe now.

[JimH5]

Stearns traded the original Hank for a replacement-level Hank plus a couple of parakeet eggs and a tadpole.

[homer]

I think the story is that a blogger broke news, embarrassed the team a bit, and probably won't get a credential to cover the team.

[trwi7]

This is going to be the worst press conference ever. Over/under on awful puns is 4.5.

[AZBrewCrew]

Hank needs to just go away. It was a great diversion during the Ryan Braun saga...but it's really been played out now. Unfortunately that won't happen because its drawn tons of female fans (let's be real they hold the checkbooks...) and it's generating them money via Hank branded merchandise

[jerichoholicninja]

[sarcasm]Who's Braun going to blame this on?[/sarcasm]

[owbc]

This story is pure gold. I feel bad if the dog died, but the cover-up was fantastic. The PR team must have been patting themselves on the back for the averted disaster.

[hawing]

You know, as soon as (let's call him) Suburban Hank made an appearance later in 2014, I thought right away, "whoa, grooming!" I haven't shared a home with a dog since high school, but I'm open to the idea that professional grooming can make that much of a difference. Hank's diet no doubt improved substantially once he joined the Wronski family. Even if the Brewers aren't paying for any of Hank's upkeep, his family can likely afford to treat him well. So I lean toward Street Hank and Suburban Hank being the same dog.

 

Having said that, a few things have planted a seed of doubt in my mind:

 

- The pair of photos in the BCB column which show Street Hank and Suburban Hank in a dugout next to a red phone. Besides looking whiter and fluffier, Suburban Hank looks like he has a bigger frame. You don't get bigger bones through grooming and diet. I realize it could be just the angle of the photos, but that pair of photos gave me the most pause. (Not paws.)

 

- Let's say Street Hank DID meet an untimely end sometime in 2014. If you were the Brewers, would you announce it right then? I mean that seriously. The on-field performance was already a slow-motion train wreck by then, leaving Hank as one of the bright spots. At that point, bad news about Hank would not only have been a distressingly apt metaphor for the 2014 Brewers' overall fortunes - it would have driven away the Hankhead portion of the fan base. They're kind of weird (I don't mean people who like dogs are weird, but people who suddenly decided to come to games solely because the Brewers had a dog? Kind of weird)...but their money counts just as much.

If Suburban Hank really is a separate dog from Street Hank, I can understand why the Brewers didn't want to bring that particular revenue stream to a screeching (and frankly depressing) halt.

 

I have to admit, just from a PR standpoint, I'll be interested to see what on earth they have to say on Friday, even if there are way too many "pup culture" references.

[MrTPlush]

Having said that, a few things have planted a seed of doubt in my mind:

 

- The pair of photos in the BCB column which show Street Hank and Suburban Hank in a dugout next to a red phone. Besides looking whiter and fluffier, Suburban Hank looks like he has a bigger frame. You don't get bigger bones through grooming and diet. I realize it could be just the angle of the photos, but that pair of photos gave me the most pause. (Not paws.)

 

Agreed. I dog can grow obviously, but if I remember right Hank was at least a couple years old...past growing stage.

 

Another problem Hank was a mix...likely why he has a smaller build. The recent dog looks like a full fledged Bichon, at least more like one.

[DocLuna7]

Is this really a thing?

[logan82]

I think the story is that a blogger broke news, embarrassed the team a bit, and probably won't get a credential to cover the team.

The Brew Crew Ball "article'' was satire.

[BradWI]

Maybe it's an orchestrated PR stunt and there will be Hank garden gnomes around the city...

 

I'm guessing this press conference will be used to shill more unwanted Hank merch as well.

[Samurai Bucky]

[sarcasm]Who's Braun going to blame this on?[/sarcasm]

[sarcasm]The Republicans...[/sarcasm]

[Outlander]

It is just a satirical article to fill up space during spring training and too many people believed it to be true and started to believe Hank is dead. I doubt Hank is dead but there is likely multiple Hanks for promotional purposes.

[502 to Right]

Paul McCartney is dead too. He told me.

[topper09er]

https://www.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/1ab11107-f05d-4477-8b49-83fb128e4ee3

[MKE81]

[sarcasm]Who's Braun going to blame this on?[/sarcasm]

 

the person who didn't do their job (again)?

[Lee16]

Thank God Hankwatch 2016 is over.

[MrTPlush]

Thank God Hankwatch 2016 is over.

 

Except Hank still exists.

[FVBrewerFan]

Press conference over. I don't want to hear Hank's name again. Unless he's in the running to play CF, which I guess is entirely possible.