New Dad Advice

[RobDeer 45]

Brewtank- wow great post. That is awesome. So much honesty and so much knowledge. Thank you! Congrats on the little one too.

 

Thanks again everyone for all the great posts. Seriously soaking it all in!

[rwa12]

Excellent point Brewtank, and spot on.

[JimH5]

I agree with the praise on Brewtank's post. But I'm 8 1/2 years into this parenting relationship, and I would advise (and my wife would agree) that you can't reduce the "me" time all the way down to zero.

 

You have to have time for yourself, to read, to workout, to just sit for a few minutes with your own thoughts. It's not selfishness, it's a necessary recharging of your own energy, to make sure that you're great at all the other things. Otherwise you end up a resentful jerk, ruining it for everyone around you.

 

You're not going to be able to watch every pitch of a Brewers game, but you shouldn't deny yourself the chance to watch parts of a game, or something else that you enjoy.

[RobDeer 45]

JimH5 - I've been told that exact advice. It's very important to find that me time. I think when the baby is new, all bets are off (coming from the guy with no experience ). Something that has stuck with me, from my aunt, "it's not about you anymore, it's not about you." She said that several times to me and it makes sense. I take it as kid has to come first, but when there is a sliver of time, make sure you give your self the opportunity to be you.

 

Good stuff.

[Invader3K]

I'll chime in as a father of a 15 month old. I agree with others that "it's not about you", but you still need to find time. One thing that helps my wife and I a lot is we try to do a once a week "date night". When he was a newborn, this was pretty much impossible, but after a few months, it's doable. It requires finding a good network of baby sitters, etc. Sometimes this is easier said than done, but we've found a lot of good people to rely on.

[craigharmann]

Oh, I forgot one other important thing....pray that your child is a sound sleeper. I'll never forget the first Packer game I watched after my daughter was born. I'm not a quiet football watcher, the Packers score and I yell TOUCHDOWN!! And, of course......she started crying. Needless to say, the wife was far from happy with me. Learn to be quiet!!! It's why I'll usually either tweet or Facebook a bunch during the game....I can "scream" as much as I want!

[brwrsfan]

I agree, it is easy to get frustrated with the baby. Especially if you can't get them to stop crying or they wake up 5 times on a weeknight. And it's only natural to get frustrated sometimes, but like others have said...the baby isn't doing it on purpose. That takes a bit of time to get used to, but babies cry. They can do literally nothing for themselves and need you for....which is why it's no longer about you.

 

They should be your #1 priority but like others have said, you can't not do anything for yourself. Whether that be working out or watching a Packers game or whatever it is. You may have to start this after they go to bed but it's something. You can't do nothing for yourself. You will get fried in a hurry. But also remember....your wife needs this time too. So if she's watching the baby and you're watching the Brewers, keep that in mind when she wants to go shopping or whatever it is. Oh and when she's on leave, something to think about. Think of your frustrations with the baby that you have every now and again...and then think about the fact that she's alone with the baby for 8,10,12 hour sequences with little or no help or release valve so to speak. So don't get upset if she's crabby some days or isn't sympathetic towards you if you have the baby and it cries or whatever.

[mothershipconnection]

Amazingly the same girl who refuses to sleep is almost completely potty trained at a little less than 2 years old. She hasn't had an accident in 2 weeks. The only remaining hurdle is taking off the diaper for bedtime.

 

Get training pants first. They have a fleece lining and elastic bands around the waist and legs. This serves to minimize the amount of urine seeping out onto the bed (and ruining the bed), but will ensure that the child becomes uncomfortable when they wet themself. The problem with diapers is that they work too well and wick away all moisture, so there's no discomfort to prompt the child to get up when the urge to urinate startles them from their sleep.

 

Start breaking off access to drinks about 2 hours before bed to make sure you get it all dried out before she hits the sack. You want to start with successes so you don't all get frustrated and give up.

 

When this is unsuccessful, I have my patients use devices called NyTone or Wet Stop. They clip onto undies and detect moisture in the pants and sound an alarm. They're often unnecessary, but for really deep sleepers, being startled awake when urination begins should prompt them to stop and complete the urination in the toilet.

[reillymcshane]

Here's some random things:

 

1. As others say, start saving. It's simple and it will pay off huge in the long run.

 

2. Enjoy as much as you can. It will fly by fast.

 

3. Do as much as you can for your wife. She will be overwhelmed. So will you, but in a different way. Clean the toilets, do the laundry, do the shopping, make meals. Don't think things are beneath you. It all will help. It won't seem like enough, but years later, you'll know every little thing helps. If you have the money, I very much recommend hiring a cleaning person to come in every couple of weeks.

 

4. Get an electric or batter powered swing. It was gold for helping my kid sleep. Don't get the wind up ones. They only go so long.

 

5. Don't buy 'age appropriate' clothing - meaning if your child is 3 months old, don't get the 3-6 months old stuff. They'll grow out of it quickly. Just get them the bigger stuff. I recommend getting as many hand me downs as possible from friends and family. Or buying things at yard sales is great. Baby cloths don't get worn down since the kid can't move around much. Used stuff is usually fine.

 

6. The traveling crib was awesome. Brought that everywhere. It's like a big version of a folding chair you bring to tailgate in. It folds up and fits into a plastic bag.

 

7. Take pictures and videos as much as you can. Or even better, when you are at family gatherings, ask someone to do it for you. IA lot of times I could give my camera to a neice or nephew and ask them to take some photos for a while. It allowed me to have fun with my family and see the photos later.

 

8. Read, read and read to the kid. Goodnight Moon. The Hungry Caterpiller. Read to them everyday, let them see the drawings. It gets annoying reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear a thousand times, but you'll see the benefit many years later.

 

9. Remember every kid is different. Some sleep a lot. Some don't. Some get sick a lot. Others don't. Some walk at 10 months. Others at 16 months. Don't freak out about these differences. It happens.

 

10. Schedule date nights with the wife. Don't be afraid to leave the kid with a sitter. You need to have some alone time. Even if it's just a movie and meal.

 

11. Don't buy them stuffed toys. Friends and relatives will give these to you by the boatloads.

 

12. Very much recommend puzzles and blocks.

 

13. Teach them to hate the Bears, Vikings, Cubs and St. Louis Cardinals. Feel free to add in any other teams you feel necessary, but those four are the worst.

[brewers4eric]

Each year, my wife asks me what I want for my birthday and I say, "a good night's sleep". The number one key during those first few months is identifying the way to help the baby get to sleep. The electric swing was the trick for my daughter. The rocking motion of the glider did it for my son.

 

With kids in tow, you'll also need to plan for additional time for travelling to Brewer games. I didn't allow for my daughter vomiting in the car in the Miller Park general admission lot one year and missed the first two innings of an interleague game against the Tigers cleaning up the peaches that I fed her in Oconomowoc. It was the game where Chris Barnwell got a hit and Rickie Weeks hit a shot off of Joel Zumaya.

 

Take pride in the little things. My five year old son caught his speech teacher using a Cubs pencil. He was quick to point out that she shouldn't root for such a hopeless franchise.

[reillymcshane]

Take pride in the little things. My five year old son caught his speech teacher using a Cubs pencil. He was quick to point out that she shouldn't root for such a hopeless franchise.

I don't think there's anything left to teach him. You've done well.

[Patrick425]

Brewtank's me time/baby time post was very good and I'd like to also add this. I've seen couples who still try to live the life they had before having children. So they drag their newborn with them all over the place...sporting events, vacations, parties, even bars. The baby never has a "routine" day or sleep pattern. Please don't do this. Like many posts in this topic have stated, realize that with kids come sacrifice. But...it is all well worth it!

[reillymcshane]

Brewtank's me time/baby time post was very good and I'd like to also add this. I've seen couples who still try to live the life they had before having children. So they drag their newborn with them all over the place...sporting events, vacations, parties, even bars. The baby never has a "routine" day or sleep pattern. Please don't do this. Like many posts in this topic have stated, realize that with kids come sacrifice. But...it is all well worth it!

Patrick, you hit something very important - that's routine. Children (as well as most adults) thrive on routine. Create a good routine for your child (this isn't something just for an infant, but for any child). Nap time, dinner time, bed time, reading time, etc., etc.

 

It doesn't mean you can't, on occasion, break those routines, but it will make a much happier life for everyone.

[RobDeer 45]

Ok, I have one for you guys.

 

Thinking about investing in both a new camcorder and camera. Right now we always use our iPhones for everything but that can only do so much. I'm sure that would still be out main device to capture images and a quick short video when something is going on. My question to the parents out there is how much do you use camcorder and digital cameras? Do you suggest either or both? If so do you have some favorites?

 

Camera - Thinking about something more than a point and quick, but maybe not as much as a DSLR. I have a bunch of photo heads in the family so they are pushing me that way, but I don't want to go overboard.

 

Video Camera - Something HD, good enough that I won't have to upgrade in a few years.

 

Any help here or advice would be great!

[craigharmann]

My wife and I use our phones. We had a really good digital camera, lost it when we were taking bluebonnet pics with our oldest after she turned one. We bought another, but rarely use it. We have a video camera, but don't use it. The phone is a lot handier as my girls move SO quick. Just my two cents when it comes to practicality.

[Godspeed]

I love using our DSLR to take photos of the kids. Just an outstanding investment as far as I'm concerned. My wife doesn't like the hassle of it (can get kind of complicated) and prefers to use a simple point-and-shoot. Our entry-level DSLR is just such a drastic improvement in quality over the other camera or our cellphones. After the picture is taken, all you have left is the results, and I can't think of a single non-DSLR photo we've taken that I didn't wish we could do over "correctly".

[Godspeed]

As for video, we have a FlipHD cam, but don't use it a whole lot. Video is more of a spur of the moment thing for us, and for that cellphones work flawlessly. Quality is extremely comparable, too.

[RobDeer 45]

Godspeed - I'm wondering a bit on the video cam but I do agree that the quality from a good camera is priceless. Our budget for that is much higher. I'm thinking the video cam may come in handy once they get older and get in events.

[rwa12]

We use iPhones for everything. We have a nice camera, toward the high end of point and shoot. It takes comparable photos to the phone. Activities change so quickly, that trying to use a camera is futile in my house. I do love the quality of a DSLR, but neither of my little ones like cameras and the second it comes out, the smiles go away and action stops. We can take decent enough phone pics and vids that we are fine with that for now.

[jimmyjeromehardy7]

We too have 2 nice cameras and a video camera but most of the pics are on our iPhones since they are usually nearby. And the iPhone pics are easier to share with family and friends. The camera pics tend to stay on the camera for too long.

 

Plus, our 2 year old twins love to look at the pics on the iPhone and were scrolling through the pics on that since they were about a year old or maybe even before. As soon as our son sees one of us with our phone now he starts with 'pictures, pictures' like he will die if he doesn't get to see them soon.

 

And they love that they can see themselves with the front camera on the phone. If we try to take any pictures they now tell us they want to see. Makes picture time fun

[davego]

My littel girl will be 12 next week. I can say with certainly that while some of the days drag on, the years are flying by.

 

Just a couple of things, I started saving for college right away, I have learned that she is her own person (I like basketball, she likes swim). One of the qualities you want/need to develop if you have a girl is simply to listen, she usually will come to a good decision. As far as disipline, I have worked hard to make sure my daughter knows that she might get in trouble, but it doesn't change are relationship (but might diminsh her use of the IPad).

[RobDeer 45]

Well, I know I said our baby would come late may, but my Son was born on May 10th and I just wanted to brag a little bit!! An awesome feeling and I now get it, why everyone says it's beyond an amazing experience. I'm just super excited right now.....and tired, but it's all worth it. Just trying to soak it in.

 

I will take the blame for the weekend sweep because the "it's a boy" sign they put up at the hospital had the Red's mascots on it! I almost refused it but I was too proud.

[TooLiveBrew]

Congratulations! Hope mom's doing well, too.

 

Obligatory "put a baseball in his left hand" mention...

[trwi7]

Congrats to you RobDeer 45! I'll second TLB and hope mom and baby are doing well.

 

Obligatory "put a baseball in his left hand" mention...

 

My dad thought doing the opposite was a good idea with me. Of course he's not much of a baseball fan.

[jhart05]

I only glanced thru so I don't know if someone already said this.

 

Hold him/her as much as you possibly can.

 

Don't just let them sit in those baby chairs, or whatever they call those things, while you sit next to them feeding them, or you watching TV, or whatever.

 

Bonding!!