Engagement Rings

[TwinsBrewersWorldSeries]

Hey All,

Nothing immediate, but I'd say its likely within the year that I'll be possibily looking at engagement rings. Just wondering what the social "norms" are for that process...

 

Obviously, I'm trying to cleverly determine what kinds/types of rings/cuts she likes, but I guess the biggest question right now is what I should spend.

 

I have a pretty good job (per the other thread) might be getting a promotion soon, and usually save some $$$ per month (for bigger purchases/eventually a house).

 

I'm just wondering how much I should expect to spend. The girl is a professional as well, successful, and likes nice things, but I wouldn't really say she's flashy/all about Jewelry.

 

I want to get something nice, and something that she'll appreciate, without underspending the magnitude of the gesture, though without completely bankrupting myself.

 

Did the old "rule of thumb" use to be "2 months salary" or is that a thing of the past.

 

Also, if that is what i'm looking at, then my budget is probably $7-8K. What kind of ring can I get for that? Any specific place you'd recommend.

 

THANKS MUCH!

[jwill535]

Me and my wife both knew we were going to get married, it was just a matter of when i poped the question. Knowing that we went shopping and she picked out the type of ring she liked. I knwo its a cop out but, i would rather her get something she really likes versues me guessing. I got lucky, she hates gold, doesnt like bigger diamonds. I got a 4000 ring for about 2500 on sale. Find the one you like and wait till it goes on sale. Stay away from Platinum, it is the biggest ripoff in Jewerly. It lusters and can get expensive to maintain the shine.

[fondybrewfan]

I took my wife (married on June 9) took random jewely stores becuase we also knew it was only a matter of time. She found one she liked but I sounded hesitant because it wasnt cheap. The setting without the diamond was $1,700. And with me being in college paying that would ahve been real difficult. However two weeks later I suprised her with the ring she wanted and I paid it off in 11 months by donating plasma. I didnt put a real diamond in there right away because I talked it over with her and she was just happy to get the placement we wanted. Shortly we are going to look at diamonds and that will cost me a minimum of $2,700. *It is a massive setting, wont take a diamond under .9 carats.

[craigharmann]

I didn't have to buy my wife an engagment ring. I got off easy. Her parents had her grandmother's engagment and wedding bands resized and cleaned and they paid for it all...Needless to say hopefully, if the financial picture clears up for us in about 2 years (when we celebrate 5 years), we're doing something big (either a trip or a REALLY nice ring).

[BrewCrewForever]

Her parents had her grandmother's engagment and wedding bands resized and cleaned

 

Similar for me. My fiancee got her Mothers ring because her parents got divorced and she wanted to use the diamond from that ring. So I was able to use that diamond which is the most expensive but I did by a brand new setting for it with channeled diamonds on the sides of the band. It looks really nice and she loved the ring when we got engaged back in March. This way she has the diamond that her dad got her for mom, but she has a ring picked out my me and that is special to her. So I didn't have to spend a fortune but she is very happy with it as it was her idea.

[Chio151]

What's that about the law of diminishing returns...?

 

 

I would say 3000-4000 should get you a mighty fine ring. Anything bigger and she'll need to start doing some wrist curls.

 

I don't want to get too moralistic on this one, but at some point the ring is just a reminder to the wearer about their commitment. It is not something to measure or prove your love to others.

 

That, and it makes your fingers stink.

[Principessa21]

My only piece of advice would be to buy a non-diamond. She seems like a great gal, and I'm sure would appreciate not having blood on her hands. It is possible to buy a non-conflict diamond though, just stay away from DeBeers.

[pitchleague]

personally, I think the whole ring thing is over-rated. I proposed with a ring made out of masking tape. My wife loved that so much that she kept it after we bought a real ring together.

 

Rings are nice but they're only symbols and reminders of your love. I could do without it as could she. But society pretty much dictates what is appropriate or not, so we got rings.

 

We both highly doubt that we will "re-up" our committment with bigger and better rings in the future. She's not all that much into jewelry as it is, and I don't feel like overspending on something that will just make others feel jealous/want to steal it.

 

I'm sure I'm in the minority on this issue. Maybe it's the "Scrooge" factor inside of me.

[rluzinski]

I'd sure recommend taking her on a "let's just browse" trip to a couple jewelry stores. If you want to keep it non-committal, next time you two are at a mall, just glance at a watch or something and then ask her what rings she likes.

 

As for the money, it should simply be based what you are comfortable with spending and what your possible-wife's preferences are. Some women don't want anything over a carrot; some would be offended by anything smaller than a carrot (glad to not have one of those http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/wink.gif ). Some women would rather have a modest ring and spend the savings on an extravagant honeymoon. Don't feel compelled to spend as much as you physically afford, however. There are plenty of other ways to spend huge sums of money as you start your lives together!

[BraunsBoyfriend]

Don't give her the ring on a holiday or her birthday. It can be considered a gift then and if the wedding gets called off she has a lot more leverage in keeping it.

 

I read some story about a wealthy man in NYC that bought his GF a $80,000.00 ring or something insane like that and gave it to her on Christmas. How very sweet, proposing on Christmas. Well, she eventually left him and wanted to keep the ring. Of course he balked so they went to court. They ruled that although it was a proposal ring, it was given on Christmas with the belief it was a gift and it became her property.

 

So make sure there isn't anything on Earth going on the the day you propose.

 

Also, don't do it at a baseball game.

[rluzinski]

If you are considering how you can recoup loses in a potential divorce while shopping for a ring, maybe you shouldn't get married. http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/smile.gif

[Paul77]

Quote:

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Don't give her the ring on a holiday or her birthday. It can be considered a gift then and if the wedding gets called off she has a lot more leverage in keeping it.

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And on that happy note....

 

My SO used to clip out pictures of rings from magazines and ads and place them strategically around my office. Got to love the subtle nature of it all. It worked because I had a pretty good idea of what she wanted and she was quite pleased with what I picked out.

[MHgb]

If you know your future wife well enough, you'll know what to buy her when the time comes. You'll know the kind of jewelry she likes (yellow vs. white, round vs. princess). But if she's like my fiancee, she wants to wear what you like and what you picked out for her. I never took her ring shopping, and she loves the ring because it's what I picked out and it's what I knew she would like.

 

For her it wasn't about the size, it was about the meaning. For me it wasn't about the size, it was about the cut and color, the clarity somewhat, but not the carat.

 

Anyway, came away with:

 

Carat: .52

Color: E

Clarity: VS1

Cut: Ideal

 

~$2,500

 

Or 1.5 months salary at the time. Don't feel pressured to spend more than you can afford. You'd rather spend that money you saved on Brewers tickets, right?

 

She loved it. That's what matters.

 

I'd sacrifice size for pleasure anyday.

[ajgodson]

Don't let the social norms determine what you do.

 

Decide if you're going to let her in on the secret. If it's going to be a surprise, enlist a trusted friend to glean her ring size and a few basic facts. Her friend will be happy to help. If you're going to let her in, lay out some ground rules ahead of time. Then, drag the process out for as long as possible. If you're going to drop 8k, it'd better be a hell of an experience.

 

Since I was right out of college and budget-minded, I studied my ass off when making the decision. I studied the 4 C's and figured out what I wanted. A guy I knew in college even made a multiple regression chart of diamond pricing to figure out the best buys. Again, it depends on what type of girl she is and your relationship. Here's what I ended up doing:

 

I bought a certified diamond online--just the stone. It was about $1200 cheaper than the same diamond at the local store. To shave cost, buy just below a threshold...I went in at .74 carats....you might go for a .98 or a 1.48 or something like that. It's a huge cost savings. Seeing a tiny envelope arrive from the UPS man was about as nervous as I've been. Be sure to tell them not to leave it on the doorstep.

 

I got the ring set at a local jewler so I could pick out the ring & setting that I wanted. I also had them inspect it to see if it matched the specs from the online company. It did and they said it was a really nice rock and couldn't believe the price. The downside is that you have to pay to have it set, which jewelers will do for free if you buy from them. I'll trade $1200 for $100 any day. They gave me a nice box, so I had it to pop the happy question. This certainly doesn't work for everyone, just my .02.

[jwill535]

Look for a engagement/wedding band set, since you wil probably have to get both its cheaper that way to buy both for her at the same time.

 

Make sure you get the coverage plan so she can get it cleaned anytime she wants and inspected.

 

*****MAKE SURE YOU GET IT INSURED AND APPRAISED EVERY YEAR!!!!!****** After we had our kid my wife woudl take her ring off alot when handline the baby, well she lost it. Insurance coverved it for what i paid for it, but that was about 1500 less then what the same ring costed 4 years later.

[qrk10000]

Not sure if you are on a first name basis with any of her close friends (or sisters if she has any) but you could always try asking them what they thought she might like. They certainly could be wrong but chances are they will at least push you in the right direction.

 

I certainly would recommend going with your gut and picking out the ring that you think will be the most special to her. This doesn't have to be the biggest or the best color or clarity, though. I also was impressed by friends that bought older, antique, one-of-a-king rings from an antique dealer. That certainly would be an A+ in the originality department.

 

I personally have had a lot of success over the years with Kessler's. I can't stand their commercials (Richard Kessler) but respect their quality and their no-pressure attitude. Plus, they have always been good about cleaning jewelry for her and giving her free cleaner to bring home. Plus, you won't have to worry about a warranty either because their rings are guaranteed for life. My wife had a band that got damaged while she was working once and they did not hesitate to fix it for free. I believe they only use platinum to encase the diamonds now too so that should hold up pretty well. They always do their free upgrade program too where you can upgrade the diamond minus the value of your current diamond without any installation charges. I did that for my wife's earrings once and she loved it.

 

As for cost, I think you should be able to find something really nice for a month's salary or less. You certainly could spend more but I would only do that if you found a ring that really, really caught your eye and made you think that she would really like it. I think I spent like $2000-2500 on my wife's and she loved it!

[BrewCrewForever]

her close friends (or sisters if she has any) but you could always try asking them what they thought she might like.

 

I did that for figuring out what kind of setting to get for the diamond. And it worked out great, she loves it. Her friends were a huge help in knowing.

[bork]

I have also had good luck at Kesslers. They have fixed and cleaned the rings without any hassle. Watch out for some of the other places that will void the warrantee if you do not bring it in every 6 -12 months.

[Fatter than Joey]

I'd sacrifice size for pleasure anyday.

 

But would she??

 

I bought my wife a cheap ring when we got married -- we were quite young -- I upgraded her ring when we got to our 6th anniversary, and plan to do it on our sixteenth as now I am pulling down more payroll, and our kids are older so there is no diaper duty, and that sort of thing.

 

I certainly would not let it hamstring you.

 

My advice is this -- If she wants to pick it out, let her. If she wants you to pick it out, then you should do it.

[BrewCrewForever]

Bought my fiancee's at koen and koen in West Bend.

[logan82]

I also went to Kesslers. They don't require you to get the ring checked periodically to keep up the warranty. A lot of places require periodic repairs or cleanings. I would recommend that wherever you go that you find what you like then try to haggle the price. I went in and told them what I wanted to spend and went from there. Big mistake. Don't let them know what you want to spend unless you have to. I wouldn't get to hung up on the size unless her friends are the type that compare that type of thing. If they do you will never hear the end of it. A surprise is nice, but having her there will guarantee she will like the ring. Of course if she likes surprises that might be more important.

 

EDIT: Buying an engagement ring is such an individual thing it is hard to give good advice other than general buying advice. I would definatly check up on the 4 C's before buying. It makes it easier to tell if they are trying to mislead you when you are buying.

 

www.kesslersdiamonds.com/

[Chio151]

I'll continue the love parade for Kesslers. Very nice and reasonable. Sounds like the ring I purchased was very similar to qrk10000's.

[dadofandrew]

Honestly, I'd skip the formality and have her pick it out with you. I know many women who despise their ring and cannot say a thing.

 

$7-8K? As already mentioned, anything over $5K is just painfully large, and seems just gaudy. I also know a pair of gals who say they prefer a small ring for ease of life reasons (a big one just gets in the way).

 

As for the no diamond thing, I have never known a woman not to have a diamond in their engagement ring, and I doubt if you want to try and start a fad with your only fiance (hopefully).

[Point Beer Is Best]

Quote:

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Not sure if you are on a first name basis with any of her close friends (or sisters if she has any) but you could always try asking them what they thought she might like. They certainly could be wrong but chances are they will at least push you in the right direction

---

 

This is a pretty good idea. Her friend let me know that she despises traditional gold, so I went with white gold which she loves.

 

And we'll be getting married in two days (Saturday).

[1992casey]

I'd say the most significant thing to figure out is if she wants to be in on the decision or not. If it's such a complete surprise that you can't talk about it, chances are you haven't discussed marriage enough.

 

Secondarily, even if the ring's a surprise, make sure you're on the same page regarding money. That bill's going to hang around and affect both of you somehow.

 

Also, as FTJ says, there's no law against multiple rings in a long marriage. I remember my parents buying my mom new rings, probably because they must have had enough money on hand to upgrade.

 

A few years later, when my grandmother (dad's mom, who also had multiple rings) passed away, my mom started wearing one of her sets. (Grandma chose to be buried in the ring from her wedding day and wanted her other rings to be used by family members.)

 

I don't know what to suggest if you might be choosing to use a family heirloom. We have a couple of those hanging around. One is the ring my grandmother was saving for her first daughter. There was no daughter, so she then saved it for a granddaughter. With no granddaughter, we all have to agree to save the thing for the next generation?or two or three. I don't know how long that will last. There's been no girl born in my 'immediate extended' family since 1898.