Stay-at-home parenting?

[Beerambassador]

Any stay-at-home dads/moms here? I was an English major in college, so when people asked me what I wanted to do for a living, I was always said "Be a stay-at-home dad." I was only partially kidding. I've got two boys, 2 years and 5 months, and I always felt like my whole check was going towards daycare. Well, I sat down with my wife, crunched the numbers and low and behold, it IS all going to daycare.

 

We're at a point where it would make financial sense for me to do this, and if I worked part time a few evenings a week, we'd be better off financially than we are now. So I have to weigh the pluses and negatives and make a decision. Basically, I don't dislike my job - but I'm getting bored with it and would like to do something different. I do feel like my kids (especially my two-year old) get a lot out of daycare. My 5 month old is very fussy, which makes him tough to handle, but my past experience says that should start improving in the coming months.

 

But I guess I'm wondering, is anyone here a stay-at-home parent? What do you like about it? What do you dislike? Any tips? Encouragement? Am I nuts for leaving a stable job in a down economy?

[logan82]

My wife is part time and I have a full time job for just the reason that you stated. Daycare is so expensive that if she got a full time job most if not all the money would go to daycare. Unfortunately because of my hours and her working weekends we hardly get to see each other.

[drezdn]

I'm a stay-at-home dad and have been for more than two years now. My kids are actually almost the same ages as yours (one's two and a half and the other 5 1/2 months).

 

It can be really enjoyable. When you're kids are having a good day it's easier than a good day at work. It can be really frustrating and trying though when the kids are crabby.

 

A huge downside for some people is that it'll really set you back in your career. For me, this wasn't an issue because I was just starting out and planning on going back to school to change careers anyways.

 

The biggest tip I'd offer is make sure you have something separate of your children that you can do to relax.

[brewers4eric]

Try to imagine where your family will be six years from now. Then, ask yourself the question of whether you should spend more time with your kids, or spend more time at your job. Its an easy answer, it is just really tough to make it happen. I've been lucky, as my wife has been able to stay home with our kids. Parenting is the toughest job that I have ever had. Enjoy the ride.

[Godspeed]

My wife stays at home with our 2 (well, 2.75) year old and 9 month old. In the spring/summer/fall when they can easily be out and about, it seems like a pretty sweet gig. But winter can be a huge pain. So if you dive in headfirst real soon, just know that it only gets easier (right?).

 

The pluses certainly outweigh the minuses for our family, financial gains/debts notwithstanding. That time with your children can be a huge headache at times, but in looking forward, when else would you have this type of opportunity?

[stoutdude04]

I am not sure what career you are in or anything like that but I would also look at what future employers might think. You walk into an interview and your last 'work' experience was 5-6 years ago. Will this hurt you finding a job when your children are ready to be out of your hands?

[Invader3K]

As long as you can explain the gap in your employment, I really don't think it's a huge deal. Being able to demonstrate that you've maintained your job skills in some fashion (perhaps part time classes?) can be pretty huge, though.

[craigharmann]

My wife and I just dealt with this. We had been talking about it (I'm a full-time church Music Director, she was a part-time Youth Director), and then it was decided by the church that her position would be cut starting tomorrow. So, the decision seemed to have been made for us. I'm taking on a few more private music students, taking on any extra weddings, funerals, whatever that brings in money, and she's working a 2 days a week (about 6 hours total) in a childcare at another church, which she can take our daughter to with no cost to us. So, it will be a challenge for us, but it's something we're looking forward to. I think we're all set with outdoor toys, a jog stroller, and we've found plenty of free/inexpensive things for them to be doing during the day so that both aren't in the house all day.

[Paul77]

I did this a number of years ago when my now teenage son was younger and while I don't regret it, it did stunt my career growth for awhile. Getting back into the job force with an extended absence from a traditional job was challenging. Someone mentioned that as long as you can explain the gap on your resume, you'll be fine. That is correct to a point but thats assuming that you'll get the chance to explain the gap. As someone who reviews resumes everyday, I can tell you that a (semi-recent) long gap in employment is a huge turn off. Of course that's a blanket statement, but you get the point.

 

One other thing to keep in mind is what your kids might be missing out on if you take them out of daycare. I'm in a situation right now where I pay $10,000 a year for daycare. My mother in law just retired and offered to take care of my son. While I could certainly use an extra 10k in my pocket, I really like his daycare and the prep they give him for school. I know that many day care centers are different, but if you've got a good one, that might weight in your decision as well.

 

My advice is, if you choose to stay home, think about some sort of part time job to eat up any gap in employment that would occur. Even a long term, part time job will help. I used to manage a retail chain and I almost always employed a couple of people who only worked 1 or 2 days a week. I had one woman who worked for me for 3 years who only worked Wednesday nights. It fit our need and hers. She was an older student (she returned to school in her 40's) and she wanted to maintain employment through out her schooling (to avoid the gap). That might be something to think about.

[Beerambassador]

Well, I've pretty much made my decision. I've already got a part time job lined up delivering pizzas a few nights a week, and I'm going to look into doing some free lance writing on the side (I'm a reporter). I've long wanted to change fields, but couldn't afford school - financially or time commitment - so I think I'll take the opportunity to go back to school when my older son starts kindergarten.

 

I've also read several times that stay-at-home parents trying to get back into the workforce can and should highlight that time at home as work experience. I mean, how can it not be? Educating, time management, multi-tasking, etc. Would most HR people think that's B.S. putting it on a resume? Because even though I'll have free lance work to put on my resume, anyone who thinks full time parenting isn't a job is delusional.

[craigharmann]

anyone who thinks full time parenting isn't a job is delusional.

AMEN!! Our 20 month old does not stay still, and to keep her entertained and occupied is a lot of work. Thankfully, she's getting better at entertaining herself, but her vocabulary is growing by the day, so we have to keep continuing to engage her in the learning, playing and fun!

[logan82]

anyone who thinks full time parenting isn't a job is delusional.

 

Depends on the age of the kids.

[pretendastronaut]

Good luck with your new decision. Frankly, I love what I do for work, but somedays I think my wife has the best job. I could understand making that decision.