ovarian cancer

[mark brouhard is number on]

Just found out that my mom has it. As one can imagine she is freaking out about it and is thinking of it as a death sentence. I've done a lot of research on it since finding out and am realizing it is somewhat common and the success rates are good. I think she is most scared of the chemo. and what it can do to you.

 

I am trying to gather as much info as possible on this, as I have to be the "strong one" in the family, which is really difficult. Any ideas on what i can do to help get her through this would be great. I know my dad will be there but I can't imagine how helpless he is feeling, so I need to do all i can to help. Thanks.

[BoneDaddyKool]

Hang in there, Bro. Best wishes to your Mom.

[RightFieldCoder]

It's important that her doctors and friends all reinforce the idea that this is survivable. It would also help her to talk to others that had/have it. It doesn't feel like you want to talk to them at the time, but the message eventually sinks in. It also helps to know family and friends still love and care about her. If gives a reason to keep fighting.

[thevaccinator27]

I would suggest do as much research as possible. Information can be your friend as you reduce the unknown.

 

Do some Medline searches on the type of cancer, treatments, and success rates. Learn about the dif kinds of treatments available and the pros/cons of each.

 

Hook your mom up with a support group through the hospital, if available.

[jwaltz]

My mother had breast cancer a few years ago. My mother was in good spirits and never got too down but talking with survivors definitely helped. Many hospitals either have a support group or know of one. She should get involved with that. It will give her someone to talk to and cry with that knows exactly what she is going through. And get in touch with the American Cancer Society. They have programs that can help. They also can get you in touch with support groups.

[1992casey]

First, mb, let me express my best wishes to you, your mom, and the rest of your family.

 

In addition to looking for ideas here, you might want to look for an internet message board specializing in ovarian cancer or cancer in general. I tried checking ezBoard so you wouldn't have to create a new login. But I'm guessing that the ezBoard cancer forums disappeared with the 'attack' that occurred two years ago.

[SeriesFinale]

My mother-in-law had ovarian cancer (it looked really dire when first diagnosed, actually) and survived for a long time with a strong quality of life. I think the little things count when she's going through chemo, like helping around the house and being an ear and what not...just be yourself, but be positive.

 

Best of to your mother and your family.

[JoeHova]

Good luck to you and your mom. Hopefully everything will work out.

[mark brouhard is number on]

thanks for all the kind words and ideas. the hardest part right now is she's very negative about it right now, and i have to find a way somehow to get her to be more positive

[1e Corbeau]

First, best wishes to your mom.

 

Quote:

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I would suggest do as much research as possible. Information can be your friend as you reduce the unknown.

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Being informed is very good; it can also be very dangerous, if you aren't good at reminding yourself that these are only possibilities. Some people, tend to focus on the worst case scenario, dwell on it, and it very quickly leads to a very negative attitude.

 

From my experience, what helps most is to always remember you can only take things one step at a time. One gyn/onc visit at a time. One test at a time. One set of results at a time. It is empowering and important to know as much information about the general picture as possible and to have an active dialogue with physicians, but don't let her get ahead of herself. Control the things that are controllable.

 

My two cents from my own experiences.

 

Again, I hope everything turns out as well as possible as your family and friends move forward.

[hammytime]

My mother is a ten-year survivor of breast cancer. One of the most important things is to just be there, and jump in to help whenever you see a need. (This was hard for me, as I'm in Arizona, and my parents are in Wisconsin.) As several have said, be informed, but not over-informed. Ask questions if you can't find the answers. If her doctor is good (and I know he/she is), ask him/her questions about your mother's treatment.

 

One moment at a time, one day at a time, and celebrate even the smallest victories. The emotions involved with this won't be easy to deal with, and you may become as frustrated (at times) as your mom. Support groups are a great idea, if there is one available near your mom. It won't be easy, but as someone pointed out already, ovarian cancer is beatable.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[EsoxLazer]

I would say that one of the most important things that you can do is be there for her and make sure that she knows that you are there to listen. In my experience, when people get scared and are going through tremendous stress due to something such as this, they tend to bottle it all up and try not to put the burden on anyone else. My mom just had a pretty big cancer scare and she was a wreck. I finally got her to start talking...when it was all said and done she told me the thing that helped the most was that she knew she could talk to someone and that she wasn't going through it alone. I know what its like to have to be the "strong one" and that it can really take its toll. Make sure that YOU have someone to talk to...otherwise, before you know it, it will start eating at you as well. Stay positive and keep reassuring her that she CAN and WILL beat it...give her all the reasons in the world to fight because having a positive attitude will be crucial to her recovery. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mother, and your family.

[thebruce44]

Let me just start by saying that today my father found out he was in remission from his Leukemia, which is obviously some of the best news I have heard in my entire life.

 

It looked pretty bad only 2 years ago though, but things can really turn around. As others have said, research and background knowledge is your best weapon. My mom and dad learned everything they could about Leukemia and it for sure saved my father's life. Don't rely on the doctors to take care of everything, because in my dad's case they simply didn't. Its amazing how many different perspectives and opinions you can get even in the same hospital and how lazy and uncaring some nurses/schedulers can be. Get as much help as you can, know what the options are, and have a plan.

 

The best help you can give besides emotional support is to keep her as physically healthy as possible. Chemo is obviously not a fun experience, but it is the best way to fight the cancer. The problem is, at least with my dad, that they reduce the chemo depending on how sick you are. My mom and I, her especially, had to drive it into my father how healthy he had to eat, that he constantly had to wash his hands and carry around hand sanitizer, and that he couldn't drink or eat candy anymore. Through the winter everything would make him sick, so he had to stay away from my brother's school and pass through the waiting room at the doctors as quick as possible.

 

In the end, he fought through it and I hope your mother can too. Now is not the time to feel helpless though...its the time to be proactive. Best wishes.

[twobrewers]

My mother has faced cancer three times now. And three times she has kicked the grim reaper square in the teeth and told him to piss off.

 

Best of luck to your mother. I will say a prayer for her tonight.

 

Ovarian cancer is pretty scary stuff in that it is much more difficult to just "remove" the problem. We are talking about something deep inside of you and the problem isn't always so isolated.

 

Chemo is scary. Be there for her. It isn't fun - but it is very doable. (My mother didn't lose her hair the first time - but the next two she did) It may seem silly when facing death - but lots of time they worry about the little things like their hair falling out and how they look. I always make a point to tell my mom how good she looks. I think she likes that.

 

The good news is the survival rate of ovarian cancer (and all cancer) is way better than it used to be. The bad news is ovarian cancer has a good tendency to repeat in other parts of the body. So she will need to monitor her cancer marker for the rest of her life to "stay on top" of it.

 

Chemo can also have lasting side effect. But with this only being her first go round - she should be ok. But after three rounds my mother can't walk too far because her feet start to hurt as a side effect of the years of chemo.

 

(Also, and I am sure this isn't really your department - but I would imagine she will have a hysterectomy with her treatments to remove her ovaries. That is a really big deal to woman. REALLY BIG. She is going to feel like they are taking away her womanhood - imagine chopping off your...well you know. Make sure your Dad is understanding there)

[brettac1]

Chemo is very scary. My grandpa had lung cancer (which he survived and is doing well now and liking retirement), and one of the most surreal moments of my entire life was watching my grandpa cry in agony after receiving a treatment. That was the first time I had ever seen that, it was a mind-blower, it makes you realize how brutal that disease is.

 

You just have to re-assure them that they're going to be OK. Just don't be discouraged if they vehemently disagree at first. Everybody handles it differently, too, and the anti-nausea drugs have been much improved.

[qrk10000]

Certainly best wishes you and your family. We have had a couple of scares in my family over the past few years and they are never easy. The one positive that I have been able to draw out of it all, though, was how it did bring a lot of my family members together. It is sad that it takes something like this to do that, but that seems to be how things work sometimes. I would just try my best to be there with her as she goes through everything and maybe try to plan a vacation or something for when she gets better so there is some motivation for her. When my uncle had bone marrow cancer, that seemed to work for him. He was extremely bitter about everything too, but I think a lot of that stemmed from fear and that feeling of "why me?" Some people handle it differently than others. Good luck to you and keep us all posted.

[MadScientist]

I wish your mom well in her fight. I hope they detected it early, well before it started to spread.

 

Make sure your mom goes through with what the doctors recommend, even if it is the chemo that she is afraid of. There are a lot of quack 'cures' out there (homeopathy, rife generators, etc) that promise cures without the side effects. They don't work, and the time lost following them instead of what real doctors prescribe is critical.

[mark brouhard is number on]

Thanks for all your replies. They mean a lot. Well, the surgery is set for July 25. I can't imagine what its going to be like, but I know she is scared. I went with her and my dad to the consultation at West Allis Memorial. The doc really seemed to know his stuff, and he seemed pretty confidant he could take care of it. She'll have to go through chemotherapy after, but they made it seem like with all the advances made and with all the drugs for appetite and pain and such, it won't be nearly as bad as say 10 to 15 years ago.

 

It made me feel good just to be there for her, and she told me that I was really helping her in being so positive about it to her and that I was so sure she would be OK.

 

I'm really glad I can put a happy face on in front of her, because when I'm not around her it is not as easy to be positive about it. I can only thank my son for being 18 months old and running around constantly to make me not dwell on this continuously.