Funny Coaching Stories

[Buckylovesbeer]

Hello esteemed Brew Crew Fans!

 

We are fans of sports, this much is obvious. Some of us take it to the next level and play sports. Others take the challenge that is coaching. I have been coaching several sports over the last decade.....and coaching has its ups and downs.

 

I love being a high school / american legion baseball coach. It is a great position. I have had the opportunity to coach other sports, and each presents its own rewards and challenges.

 

In the spirt of coaching, please use this thread to share your best (and entertaining) coaching stories!

[Buckylovesbeer]

I will start. At my high school, a student gets cut from the hoops team. Why? Not for talent reasons.....female sophomore, 6'3", athletic. It was the committment level. Student shows up for one of the three mandetory tryout days. Then the student does not come back for day 4, the judgement day. When asked why, the student says "I dont know."

 

Said student then is cut. Student makes comment to coaching staff that it is unrealistic and unfair that they should be forced to practice mon-fri after school. When asked what would be fair, the student said "practice once a week, and play games." Ugghh!

 

One month later, the same student's parents come to practice, very upset. Why was their daughter just recently (in the last few days) cut? She had missed one day the previous week sick, which the parents didnt think was fair. They demand an immidiate meeting with the athletic director! They made it a point to get all of the coaches in the high school program in the meeting.

 

Coach says to the parent......well, we have not seen your child at a practice or a game in the last four weeks. She skipped the last two days of tryouts and never came back.

 

Parents response..... oh

[TooLiveBrew]

Deadspin has a pretty brutal 'Coach horror stories' series they've been running. It's Deadspin, so the nsfw language should be a given. Link

[TheCrew07]

Ohh wow, there are so many, and so many I've heard. Parent/Student/Coach interactions are good for a couple of stories per year.

 

This has to be 8 or 9 years ago already.

 

I had a young man who came out for football for the first time in High School as a Senior. They gave him to me for the Dline, and I put him at D-End. He was nothing special, probably below average as an athlete for High School, weak, and slow.... not an outstanding combination (note that strength and speed are different from raw athletic ability). You try to teach to someone like that as much as you can but basically you're putting them on defense and just saying "go tackle the guy with the ball". He does alright in scrimmage and while he's someone who's not real popular with the school administration as he's sort of derelict, he didn't anything in football other than work his butt off, keep his mouth shut, and was actually a really good team mate. I didn't know his history of troublemaking until our lockin actually, but had I known I would have never guessed he'd work out even as well as he did.

 

At any rate he did enough to work himself into the rotation on pure guts at DE and on the 3rd or 4th series of our first game he happens to be on the field for our punt return as I just keep whomever my DLine are out there for the return, unless I have a kid who really isn't able to move at all. So the young man goes unblocked and I start to get excited because he has a real shot to block the kick. Right at the last second the blocking back picks him off and blocks him, and the young man we'll call Chris gets up very slow and appears to be holding his hand. I'm up in the booth, mention on the radio that Chris took a good low shot and looked to hurt his hand, wrist, or thigh.

 

We get into the locker room at halftime and Chris starts saying my name, and I explain to him that I'll get to him but I have to meet with the other coaches first and discuss 2nd half adjustments but I'd come find him when we are done. I eventually track him down after our meeting and he's off on his own behind the last row of lockers away from the rest team. I'm wondering what's going on and he procedes to pull down his pants. I have absolutely no idea where there is going at all and my mind starts racing, I'm shocked and don't know what to say. He then takes off his girdle and says, "Look at this!". As it turns out he took the blocking back's helmet right in the nards and his left testicle is so swelled up it's literally the size of a grapefruit, he was too embarrassed to tell anyone else. Why he picked me I still have no idea to do this day. It doesn't happen often but I was completely speechless, finally I managed to mutter "Put some ice on it". Then I immediately turned around and went to find the trainer to get him some proper medical assistance.

 

How he made it to the sideline and then walked the 200 yards to the locker room I'll never know, he couldn't even put on his pants after the game so I ran to the 24 hour Walmart nearby and bought him some 2X sweat pants so he had something to wear. He ended up missing 4 weeks and fortunately in high school we don't have to worry about publishing an injury report. However to this day my "Put some ice on it!" has become a lengendary inside joke with the coach staff and football program as a whole. I coach with a pretty lively group and if I don't hear something about putting ice on any number of areas or rubbing dirt on something else at least once day it's not football season.

[Patrick425]

I have been coaching youth baseball as a head coach or assistant coach since my son was 5 (he's 11 now). The only story I'll tell about coaching is how I got into it (not necessarily a funny story):

 

I got a call from the baseball organization asking if I would coach. I really had no interest in doing so. They then said that if they could not find enough parents to coach, they will not be able to field as many teams as they would like and my son may not be able to play. So, I reluctantly agreed. I had fun, but I was frustrated by some of the parents. The following year I stated that I would help coach, but that I did not want to be a head coach. Well, the first day of practice the father that was supposed to be the head coach just kind of stood there with all the kids staring at him. He had no practice plan. So, I ended up taking over. Also, as the year went on, it was clear he had no idea how to effectively communicate with parents in regards to games/practices/fees/fundraising/etc. This drove me nuts. By the end of the year, I was basically the head coach.

 

Since then, I have always been very involved in coaching my son's baseball teams. I still have issues with coaches of teams in other sports that my son is involved in. Why do most of these people not know how to send out simple emails updating parents on team issues? It's very frustrating to me.

 

I have dozens of other stories I could tell (mostly not "funny") in regards to my experiences. Most of the stories center around parents and not players and involve one or more of the following issues:

 

1) Playing time and or position that their son is playing or not playing

2) Parents that think we are practicing too much and asking too much from the players

3) Parents that think we are not practicing enough or asking enough from the players

4) Parents who ask about the schedule, where a game is, fees that are due, etc. despite several very detailed emails that fully outline these items (this is really a pet peeve of mine).

5) Parents who don't get their kids to games and/or practices on time. If this happens occasionally, not a big deal....but it's always the same parents. Makes it very difficult to warm up or stretch out as a team and I find it difficult to penalize an 11 year old who has no other means to get to games or practices.

6) Coaches on the team who's kids are disruptive during games and practices, but they (the parent) don't seem to notice or care. If it's a non-coaches kid, this issue is easier to deal with.

7) This was mainly at the t-ball, pee wee age, but parents who basically treated practices as a day care and then did not show up on time when it was time to pick their kid up.

 

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy coaching. The kids are great and make it all worth while.

[TooLiveBrew]

However to this day my "Put some ice on it!" has become a lengendary inside joke with the coach staff and football program as a whole.

 

Wow. Legendary indeed. That poor kid... no one deserves that kind of pain.

[Buckylovesbeer]

However to this day my "Put some ice on it!" has become a lengendary inside joke with the coach staff and football program as a whole.

 

Wow. Legendary indeed. That poor kid... no one deserves that kind of pain.

I agree TLB 100%. That story made me cringe!