Romantic Poetry contest.

[Fatter than Joey]

I was reading or possibly hallucinating that I read about a poetry contest -- where the first line has to be romantic, and the second line has to be a burn...

 

Like this:

 

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
Although counting to zero, won't exactly take days and days

or this.

 

She walks in beauty, like the night
Her face killed my dog, he died of fright

 

I think putting the poetry in italics makes it funnier....

 

Anyway, I figured you guys could come up with some doozies.

[iHARTbrewCREW]

I will never forget that magical day I met her,

Little does she know her mother is so much better.

[SquirrelMaster]

In her heart I totally trust,

Or it could be all in her bust.

[sbrylski]

I will take out the trash, and the fence I will mend it,

just as soon as the Cubs win the pennant!

[And That]

I love him, I love him I do
Signed, Katuluu

[jjgott]

Here are 10 from my favorite blog, List of the Day:

 

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you has screwed up my life.

 

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

 

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not.

 

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

But I slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

 

5. I thought that I could love no other

That is, until I met your brother.

 

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

 

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face.

 

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

 

9. My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

 

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe 'Go to hell'

[logan82]

You have the sweetest voice I've ever heard,

too bad your breath smells like a turd.

[ILuvDaBush]

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

The very best comp is the smell of Shea.

[JimH5]

The wine, the glance, two hearts collide, our hungry night of passion

But now I've seen the real you, your head I must bash in.

 

After weeks of waiting, our rendezvous, you twenty, me a teen-

Hey wait a minute, aren't you that Mayor from Racine?

 

Our love's forbidden, or so they say, I'm completely out of whack--

They mourn for you, and me, it's true. . .a necrophiliac

 

"She's cute", they said, "a real gem", when arranging our blind date,

But if you were any uglier, I'm sure you'd have a prostate.

[Fatter than Joey]

Wow -- Good ones JimH5! -- Those are superb and somewhat disturbing -- but definitely creative.

 

I demand that Hawing submits one.

[JimH5]

Thank You, FTJ. . .If I have disturbed you, then that's really saying something!

 

One more for the Off Topic readers that's not quite as evil. . .

 

Those lovely early thoughts of you were dancing in my head

But now, can't wait to rip you in that "things that bug me" thread.

[Fatter than Joey]

Thank You, FTJ. . .If I have disturbed you, then that's really saying something!

 

Without a doubt -- No matter how hard I try, I just can't get past my hangups with necrophilia.

[Patrick425]

It's your sweet, sweet voice that I long to hear,
Now please shut up and go get me a beer.

Is that my dear sweet love right in front of me?
Kindly move your ***, your blocking the TV.

 

[GAME05]

what a body! what a face! and he went to kiss her,
but changed his mind once he saw the blister.

I am thy roots in the ground, and thou art my flower in the sky,
but ah, that flower like bloodroot, you make people die.

you're kind and sweet, you're my beautiful flower,
but you also kinda stink. please go take a shower.

The world would be better if there were only more of you,
in the way that crops get greener when you add more cow poo.

every man in here wants you to be more near,
except me, sweetheart, i haven't had as much beer.

Of my times with you I often think,
and times like those is why I drink.

I've missed you when it's raining, when it's foggy, when it's snowed,
but if I miss you now that it's sunny, I'll be sure to reload.

[iHARTbrewCREW]

Every time I looked at you my heart took a leap,

Until I realized you had more fuzz than a sheep.

 

You look like Carrie Underwood, according to the raves and rants,

Unfortunately I learned Carries Underwood was a description of your pants.