Marriage experiment: Separate Bedrooms

[Brian the Automator]

So I'm a really light sleeper, and the wife's a pretty restless sleeper. She likes to read to wind down for bed, and I like to watch TV or listen to music. So we were out at dinner yesterday, and I joked around that we should have separate bedrooms. She actually thought it was a good idea.

 

So here we are, one day later, and I have "my own room" again. I'm still adjusting to the weirdness of sleeping alone, but I think once that wears off, this might be a pretty sweet deal.

 

Anyone else tried this?

[SeriesFinale]

Haha, yes, I envy you. I've told my wife I can't wait until we get old when it's more socially acceptable to have separate beds! We're just not good bed-mates!

 

Enjoy it, I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with it (although some people will think it's some kind of reflection on the state of your relationship) and in fact will make your married lives much better because you'll be better rested and have one less daily schism out of your relationship.

[Chio151]

Really?...

 

I can't imagine. I don't sleep well without my wife in bed. I guess you just get used to the body warmth or something.

 

Maybe you should just get the 'sleep number' bed.

[Brian the Automator]

It's not the firmness of the bed, it's the difference in sleep styles.

[dadofandrew]

I think the obvious thing that no one wants to say is they can imagine a lot less "spur of the moment" interaction with your wife, if you know what I mean.

[Fatter than Joey]

Anyone else tried this?

 

Yeah. For about 5 years.

 

I am a light light sleeper, my wife sleeps the sleep of the undead. I love my wife dearly, but I am certain that the baby Jesus will kick my wife out of heaven after one night because of her snoring. It is unwordly. I wish I could describe it, it is sort of like ocean, in how it envelopes you.

 

Plus my wife is an on-call EMT, so she has all sorts of buzzers and sirens in our room. I also bought her an I-home a few years back and it randomly plays Aerosmith songs throughout the night -- my wife has no idea that it does, and thinks I am making that up, because it never wakes her up.

 

One night I was so fed up with the snoring/sirens/Love in an Elevator -- I rolled out of my bed and like the Incredible Hulk I lifted the bed about 18 inches off the ground and dropped it. I didn't wake her up, but I broke one of her pagers, and Aerosmith kept playing -- so I grabbed a blanket and reclaimed one of our other rooms.

 

although some people will think it's some kind of reflection on the state of your relationship

 

I hear you. My wife is worried about this as well, and yells at me occasionally for sleeping in the other room. Apparently it's going to be published in a newsletter at some time. I will be sure to tell her that the dorks on BF.net approve of me sleeping in the other room. She will like that.

[Brian the Automator]

I think the obvious thing that no one wants to say is they can imagine a lot less "spur of the moment" interaction with your wife, if you know what I mean.

I'll invite her over to my room every now and then, I suppose.

[Fatter than Joey]

I think the obvious thing that no one wants to say is they can imagine a lot less "spur of the moment" interaction with your wife, if you know what I mean.

 

No, not at all, please elaborate, slowly.

[dadofandrew]

FTJ,

 

J-i-g-s-a-w

 

p-u-z-z-l-e-s

 

Al

[Brian the Automator]

I hear you. My wife is worried about this as well, and yells at me occasionally for sleeping in the other room. Apparently it's going to be published in a newsletter at some time. I will be sure to tell her that the dorks on BF.net approve of me sleeping in the other room. She will like that.

When we first got together, it was sort of like that. I wasn't used to other people making sounds in my bedroom, and I'd go crash on the couch from time to time. Shes wasn't happy about it because she thought it reflected on me not wanting to be around her.

 

As time's gone on, however, specifically due to medical issues, her sleep patterns have been erratic. The thing she likes to do most when she's awake is read, and even pages turn quietly will wake me out of a sleep. So, at least for now, we're going to give this a shot, and I will pave the way for the rest of the men here http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/smile.gif.

[JoeHova]

My wife would be quite upset if I slept in another room, though I guess I can see why some people might want to do it. The thing is, my wife and I are very different sleepers too but compromises must be made, I guess. I always used to think that people only slept in different rooms if they disliked each other and were involved in a sham marriage (in other words- that's why the people I know who have separate bedrooms do it, no offense Brian and FTJ and anyone else) but some of the reasons you guys are stating make sense too. When I lived alone, I liked to listen to music and read in bed before I fell asleep but I've stopped doing that because my wife doesn't like it. It might be fun to do that again, but then again, sleeping with someone is fun too.

[Fatter than Joey]

I guess. I always used to think that people only slept in different rooms if they disliked each other and were involved in a sham marriage

 

I may have a sham marriage I guess, I'd rather have that and 6 hours of sleep though.

[Brian the Automator]

Here's an interesting article mentioning that it's a growing trend.

 

It sorta reminds me of dating, again. We used to spend a LOT of time together in our office (where both of our computers were), and then a LOT of time together in the bedroom (watching TV, reading, sleeping). Now it seems like the time spent together is more because we want to, and not because we're just smashed in the same room together. I sorta like it.

 

Plus, I work from home a ton, and it's very hard for her not to ask me a question and interrupt me while I'm trying to solve a problem. Now, if it's something she doesn't really need immediate feedback on, she can bring it up later, or email me to remind me.

[SeriesFinale]

I think the obvious thing that no one wants to say is they can imagine a lot less "spur of the moment" interaction with your wife, if you know what I mean.

Jeez, that'd be a primary reason my wife would want separate beds. Some people sleepwalk. Me, I've a bad habit of "wandering hands" at inopportune times, like 3:30 AM on a Monday night. She's got a nickname for it in fact, it's--well, this is a family website.

[Chio151]

I think the obvious thing that no one wants to say is they can imagine a lot less "spur of the moment" interaction with your wife, if you know what I mean.

Wait, we are talking about marriage here, right? http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/wink.gif

[FVBrewerFan]

Count me in. My wife likes to watch TV, and then she can fall asleep in 5 minutes. I absolutely can not get to sleep with the TV on, and it takes me awhile to fall asleep. Then once we are asleep I snore (no evidence of this though ; ) and she's a light sleeper. We usually go to bed together, but it's not uncommon for one of us to wonder off to the spare bedroom at some point during the night.

 

I don't think it's a reflection of a poor marriage at all, in fact I think it shows the relationship is healthy enough that neither one of us is insecure about it. It's just sleep, and we all need it more than sex.

[razzzorsharp]

We don't have seperate bedrooms but we rarely sleep a whole night together. I usually fall asleep on the couch till about 3:30 and then get up and go to bed. By that time she may wake up and go in the other room. It's nice having a King by yourself, I like to lay sideways.

[JimH5]

Three Words. . .

 

Farrah Fawcett Poster!

 

If you're going to have your own room, you at least need to class it up!!

 

There are times when my snoring will force one of us to the guest room. Maybe 30 percent of the time. But we don't envision a time when that becomes a permanent move--or at least I don't. . .

[RayKingsForemanGrill]

Glad to know I'm not alone on this - with us, instead of noises, it's physical movements. My wife is a "flopper" - she jumps into the bed, can't turn over without practically lifting herself off the bed and crashing back down.

 

We have a king, so I eventually retreat all the way to the other side of the bed and can typically fall asleep pretty well.

 

She has been known to say "You know, I know people who sleep the whole night through holding each other..." ... I explain I just can't do it. I need to stretch and not risk a flying elbow to the face...

 

I don't think I'd like the separate bedroom deal... but whatever works for you guys...

[PaulRigdon]

Guys on here not only have kissed a girl but are married? Crazy!

 

I always joke with my wife that I am going to make a bed that is a king size bed but as the night goes on they spread apart and form two beds. Then as it gets closer to morning they form back together. That way you can "cuddle" when you first get into bed but can have your own space as you start to fall asleep. Then you wake up next to each other. Best of both worlds!

 

Problem is you have to have a pretty big bedroom for this to work. I suppose you could have a queen that forms into twin beds.

[Brian the Automator]

Problem is you have to have a pretty big bedroom for this to work. I suppose you could have a queen that forms into twin beds.

One half goes up, and one half goes down. Bam!

[AmyintheSouth]

I always joke with my wife that I am going to make a bed that is a king size bed but as the night goes on they spread apart and form two beds. Then as it gets closer to morning they form back together. That way you can "cuddle" when you first get into bed but can have your own space as you start to fall asleep. Then you wake up next to each other. Best of both worlds!

 

Problem is you have to have a pretty big bedroom for this to work. I suppose you could have a queen that forms into twin beds.

Genius. I would totally buy this when/if I get married. Snuggling is nice at first until you wake up at 3 am all gross and sweaty. Whoever does marry me will be pleasantly surprised on the reduction in home heating costs....

[trwi7]

My parents never slept together. At least not that I remember. My dad snores, loudly, so loudly that I could hear him from my room. It was really something. We'd wake up in the morning and say we heard you snoring last night and he would always deny it saying nah that was something else.

[pitchleague]

my wife's lawn-mower engine snoring got me to get some of those foam earplugs. She used to never snore but would grind her teeth. Once she got fitted for a mouthguard, the snoring came about and kept me up for hours. Usually I would end up on the couch in the living room to get a few hours of sleep and very groggy and ticked in the morning. The earplugs have definitely done the trick. I hardly ever hear her anymore (when I even need to wear them--the snoring comes and goes. I usually just have to yell at her in her sleep and she shuts up.)

 

However, every now and then she has a REAL bad snoring night and I can hear her through the earplugs and I still have to sleep on the couch. But I'm more prepared for it now. She never believes me how loud she is at times. I've threatened to put the video camera up in the bedroom and hit record some night but I'm kind of afraid what it might reveal about myself, too.

[JoeHova]

I guess. I always used to think that people only slept in different rooms if they disliked each other and were involved in a sham marriage

 

I may have a sham marriage I guess, I'd rather have that and 6 hours of sleep though.

I said "used to", as in "in the past".