Asking the GF's parents for Permission - Please help

[Jimbo]

Permission? I do what I want!

 

It was academic. Like logan, we already had the ring picked out and was paid for when I "asked" her.

[jwill535]

Permission? I do what I want!

 

It was academic. Like logan, we already had the ring picked out and was paid for when I "asked" her.

+3

Heck I proposed to my wife on the couch just before the UW-Fresno State game 6? years ago. Our first date we also saw Jay And Silent Bob Strike, how she stayed with me I will never know ans she reminds me of that all the time.

[MillerParkSouth]

isn't it really just the father that you have to 'ask'?

[FIPS133]

I asked my wife's father for permission not because they expected it because I thought it was the respectful thing to do. Plus I had no doubt he would say yes - it goes a long way.

 

If you are at all concerned about their answer I would ask before sitting down for dinner perhaps outside the restaurant if you are meeting them there. This way if it goes south you don't have to have a miserable dinner.

 

Also you may want to get them saying yes to things like - "are you happy with the Sabiathia trade?" - "do you think Corey Hart should make the All Star game" - "is Prince secretly eating whole cows?'

 

Good luck.

[RyDogg66]

Ah, women...till property of men in the 21st century.

 

I dont mean to give you grief, but best of luck.

 

What would you do if he says no?

[cubfan1126]

1 of my 2 son-in-laws said to me, "I'm going to ask her to marry me." I felt honored.

 

My son asked his future FIL and was told "I've got some concerns." Not really saying no but since my son was in only a part-time "mortgage industry" job at the time, it was a reasonable response.

 

My question is, Are you sure SHE is going to say yes?

 

Good luck

[hammytime]

There is nothing wrong with a traditional approach. We may live in a modern world, but that doesn't mean there isn't room for tradition. Good luck!

[RU Rah Rah]

I deal with a lot of Hmong students, and I have several Hmong professional colleagues -- one of whom is female and preparing to get married. I can't even begin to explain how complicated their marriage traditions are.

 

You'll do fine with asking her father, and it's always nice to build up some political capital with the in-laws before you get married. (It will be depleted soon enough, believe me.)

[Katuluu]

On the other hand not asking gives the parents the right to refuse to help paying for a wedding.

They don't have the right to refuse otherwise?

 

[ajgodson]

I didn't ask my in-laws because I didn't care. If they said "no", I would still have asked her anyway. I agree with the political capital argument, thought, and seriously considered it just for formality's sake.

 

My advice would be to ask for their "blessing and support" rather than "permission" or a blanket "just lettin' you know". It gives them the hint that you'd love for them to be behind your marriage, but that they don't control their daughter, either. Just my $.02.

[OldSchoolSnapper]

I asked my then-girlfriend's parents permission, and they wouldn't give it to me.

 

I married her anyway.

 

Brian 1, Them 0.

My brother always envisioned asking, but didn't because he knew they'd say no. They liked him, just had worries about money. He asked anyway and now they're hauling in well over 100k together.

 

[dadofandrew]

I see no benefit, and find it a bit, um, disrespectful to the woman, as she can make up her own mind.

 

1. What if they say no?

 

2. What if they say "we prefer you don't, but..."

 

I did not ask either, and as stated, find the whole idea a bit outdated, to say the least. Her folks aren't going to give you a goat and a sheep, so I would worry more about asking your girlfriend.

[brewerjamie15]

How'd it go?

[dikapalooza]

Must agree with dadofandrew here. It's really up to you and the lady, and if they disapprove, I guess you're finding someone else to walk her down the aisle.

 

I guess my feeling is that while maybe it's a nice tradition, it really isn't any of their concern as long as:

 

A: You're both adults

 

B: There are no major monetary concerns: e.g. neither one of you has a job and the parents are left to support you or you're about to go to prison

 

possibly C: you're a complete scumbag, which, seeing as though you're on brewerfan.net, you're not

[dikapalooza]

Thanks for reminding me brewerjamie15, good luck!

[PlayerHader]

How about, "I wanted to let you know that I will be asking your daughter to marry me and I'd like to do so with your blessing."

 

Let's them know what's up and gives them some importance in the decision.

 

I agree with the seeming consensus that right after you place your orders is a good time.

[berniebrewer4life]

I actually just did this about 2 months ago. I have known her parents for about 6 years, so it wasn't that hard. I simply walked in, asked them to sit at the table, took off my hat and politely asked em.

[Invader3K]

I didn't ask. It just doesn't fit my personal views of the world, I guess you could say. They were happy when they found out I had proposed, so it didn't rattle any cages regardless.

[DuWayne Steurer]

I certainly don't want to sound judgemental, this is more of just a comment........I find it odd that you and your girlfriend live together (assumption based on you saying you own a house together) before marriage, yet you still want to ask the parents permission for her hand in marriage.

 

Again, I'm not judging, my son is 13, my wife and I have been married 8 years, so do the math.....

[brwrsfan]

Thanks to everyone for their help and insight. I had no idea this was going to spark such a debate. Anyway, I took them out to dinner last night, gave a little speech and then asked them both for their permission and blessing. They knew it was coming, but they were both incredibly happy and granted me "permission". They both told me that they were honored that I would ask them and said it was a really classy and respectful move. The only downside came when the entire restaurant seemed to stop talking and listen to every word I was saying during my speech. I half expected them to applaud at the end, lol. Now I just need to ask her...and yes, I'm positive it's a yes.

 

RoCo- I have some serious isses with marriage (long story) so we did some things backwards....like buying the house first. I wasn't really asking them for their "permission" I was pretty certain what the answer was going to be, I did it moreso because I've always felt it was the right thing to do and I wanted to be able to say that I did it.

[Roscoe Chill]

It's called respect.

[Team Canada]

I see no benefit, and find it a bit, um, disrespectful to the woman, as she can make up her own mind.

 

1. What if they say no?

 

2. What if they say "we prefer you don't, but..."

 

I did not ask either, and as stated, find the whole idea a bit outdated, to say the least. Her folks aren't going to give you a goat and a sheep, so I would worry more about asking your girlfriend.

 

C'mon Al (et al). Clearly no one is realistically expecting to alter their plans based on what the parents say. Is it that absurd to think that the parents might have an interest in their daughter's well-being? The "benefit" is that you're showing them respect by acknowledging that. No, in this day and age they probably have no real say in what she does, but that doesn't mean they don't appreciate it. And if they don't care, then you probably wouldn't be doing it in the first place. No need to pooh-pooh it if you don't agree.

[brewerjamie15]

Congrats dude. I think that was a smooth move.

Now you will need to let us know how you ask HER and what she says.

[FVBrewerFan]

I didn't ask "permission," in fact I never had any conversation with her parents before I proposed. Frankly, I wished I wouyld have. No big deal now, but I think the whole wedding planning saga would have went more smoothly.

 

Every situation is different. I wouldn't have flat out asked for permission. It would have been more of an assurance that I was going to take care of her, address any concerns he (they) had, etc.

 

Now that I have a daughter, I can definitely say I would appreciate my future son-in-law coming to me to have that conversation. I think we're mincing words a bit. For the most part, there aren't very many poeple on either side that expect you to say "Hey, can I marry your daughter?" It's more of a conversation than a specific question asking permission. It depends on age, culture, history you've had with the future in-laws, etc.

[BrewCrewForever]

I asked my then-girlfriend's parents permission, and they wouldn't give it to me.

 

I married her anyway.

 

Brian 1, Them 0.

That is too funny Brian. I didn't ask my fiancee's parents for permission. I just told her Dad I was doing it. Everything has worked.