Zombie Invasion.. which bat do I use? (Updated: 2008 zombie defense retrospective)

[logan82]

Fatter than Joey wrote:

Or are the zombies created from some sort of experimental government virus?

 

I think in the future this may be possible zombie genesis point, however in the here and now -- nuclear waste.

Good, because those virus zombies are usually really fast and a bat isn't going to do you any good.

 

I am like this for doughnuts.

 

Maybe that's what happens when a vampire bites a zombie. They hunger for doughnuts instead of brains.

[sgtcluels]

Have we just discovered FTJs secret? He's a Vampire Zombie with a undead lust for doughnuts?

[hawing]

Have we just discovered FTJs secret? He's a Vampire Zombie with a undead lust for doughnuts?

We cannot know the full secret to FTJ until we know the Ned Yost tie-in.

 

[sgtcluels]

Are you saying Yost is a Coffee Hunting Zombie?

[logan82]

Maybe a vampire/zombie hybrid doesn't like coffee much like vampires don't like garlic. Ned might be a hybrid hunter.

[berniebrewer4life]

I would definitely go with an aluminum bat as weapon of choice.

Aluminum bats crack when you bash em against a skull. Gotta go Wood all the way. A nice light one would be best IMO, as you can get good head speed on those.

[Time for a Miller]

I figure when the zombies do come I won't need a bat or a nail gun etc. I'm sure brains don't taste that bad. The guy in Hannibal Lecter seemed to like chomping on his. I'll just join the winning team. Zombies FTW.

[davego]

What I'd like to observe is a Virus V Radioactive V Curse Zombie cage match. 2 out of 3 falls. Winner takes all brain match.

[jwill535]

depends on the BPF and Flex rate of your softball bat, if you get high enough in both you will get a nice smooth strike with less vibration and more power in the sweet spot and longer life of the bat. With the way wood bats are made now a days and the randomness of getting grained bats or not you run the risk of it breaking early in the fight. I highly suggest going out and getting your self a nice Demarini or Worth softball bat just in case of attack.

[samwise]

I guess I will echo what Jwill said, in terms of zombie bashing bats, you should pay for quality. Zombies tend to roll in packs so you should really be prepared to take out a few of them at a time. You cannot do that when your hands sting. (Unless you are wearing zombie batting gloves)

[sgtcluels]

I don't have time to go purchase a new zombie killing bat, the zombie invasion has begun. Which of the two bats should I use to defend myself from said Zombies while I assemble other anti-zombie weapons. Shotguns, Axes, Swords, Metal Bats, Oprah Winfrey, and a bin of raw onions.

[Fatter than Joey]

Zombies are easily distracted by acapella vocal groups -- especially the ones with vocal percussionists.

 

I would recommend building up your own tolerance to this music, and keep a CD mix in your CD changer -- that will buy you some time to get your arsenal together.

 

The other thing you can do to buy yourself time, is get the neighbors to come out of their house. -- I am not particularly fond of my neighbors, so I am willing to make that sacrifice. What I have done is prerecorded a message telling them "those damn teenagers are messing around with your garden gazing balls again"

[mtrebs]

I think you should hold on to the autographed bats (which would increase in value if either player died of zombism) and buy an aluminum bat precisely for the oxymoronic rise of the living dead.

 

You can generate faster bat-speed with aluminum, plus are much more difficult to break. That increased swing-speed may be too dangerous for MLB use, but should the need arise to prevent your brain from being consumed by the undead....take any advantage you can get. As an added bonus, the pinging noise of the metallic bat will inspire confidence as you fend off you wave upon wave of zombies.

 

 

Go aluminum; save the lumber for the vampires.

Believe it or not but this is the very reason I keep an aluminum bat under my bed.

[mtrebs]

We may need some better definition of which kind of zombies we are fighting.

 

So we'll just go with FTJ nuclear waste zombies, they are slow zombies but with unholy undead zombie strength. These are not the virus infected fast zombies as seen in recent movies. These zombies are lumbering around with the unquenchable lust for human brains. Infection is only spread by a non-fatal bite by said zombie. Get a finger chewed off by zombie, you are boned!

I really hate the new trend of fast zombies. What happened to the good old days when zombies were slow and gas was under $1.50 a gallon?

[Fatter than Joey]

As we go further into the 4th quarter of 2008-- I think it is an appropriate time to reflect on the many happenings in the world this past year and perhaps revise our various zombie defense strategies (ZDS). 2008, what did we learn:

 

1.) If your ZDS involves bats -- steer clear of the Hart and Hall models for obvious reasons. Earlier posts in this thread seemed to endorse Hart model bats, I think 2008 taught us, that those bats may be faulty and they are unreliable.

 

2.) Gas Prices -- With the escalation of gas prices, gas should not be used other for transportation -- this means, no making gas bombs out of empty beer bottles and dish rags. Shooting gas cans and making them explode should be frowned upon as well. As a side note, I will be generating empty beer bottles, if bychance gas prices plummet.

 

3.) Ned Yost -- One of the few upsides of the Brewers employing Ned Yost as long as they did, was the delay in zombie infestation. At some point, Ned will need to resume employment, if he put is charge of the manufacture, disposal, or distribution of radioactive materials -- God save us all. Rest assured firenedyost.com will redirect its efforts to see that Ned does not find employment in states with any sort of significant radioactive production.

 

4.) Economic Bailout -- That 700 billion dollars we gave to Wall ST. will not be available for Main Street when the zombies attack. Expect little government assistance.

 

5.) US Presidency -- I am very concerned that neither candidate has presented a platform for our country's ZDS. Expect either candidate to load up their cabinet with blissfully ignorant tools with regard to ZDS.

 

Any other ideas?

 

I am out of doughnuts.

[berniebrewer4life]

With the way wood bats are made now a days and the randomness of getting grained bats or not you run the risk of it breaking early in the fight. I highly suggest going out and getting your self a nice Demarini or Worth softball bat just in case of attack.

Ah see that's the mistake that ya buy the wooden bats. I have always been partial to making my own Zombie bat. Pick out your own wood, make it to your specifications, and you should be fine. Premade usually equals an early exit. Also, don't forget to test em out before hand. Knowing how many swings you can get off in a 5 minute period is good to know ahead of time, that way you can set up your defenses/offensive manuever correctly.

[ewizabeff]

Do what the instructional video says: link

warning: fake blood, if you're not into that kind of thing, don't watch.

[fondybrewfan]

What no one has a panic room?

 

If you don't have access, I would suggest using the Hart bat, but only after watching a marathon of Walker Texas Ranger. You gotta get in the zone.

[homer]

Night of the Living Dead was on TV last night. You would need something with a sharp edge or tip on it. A normal bat might deter but it would not kill a zombie unless you could get repeated blows to the head. In close quarters and fighting multiple zombies that would not work.

[Fatter than Joey]

That's why you have the nail-gun on standby.

 

The problem with pick-axes, crowbars, bats with nails in them, etc., -- is that for more decomposed zombies, that sharp edge is likely to get stuck or embedded. This would suck, because you would either lose your weapon, or be compromised trying to remove said weapon from said zombie. Based on my research, blunt objects (if used correctly), may be the best option.

 

The reason I endorse the nail gun, is that your weapon is easily retracted.

 

The bottom line is, if you need multiple blows to cave in a zombie melon, you need to head to the batting cages, and increase your bat-speed.

 

I also have come up with a zombie-speed unit. Called the "estrada" abbreviated "JE"s -- basically 1 estrada is equivalent to 90 feet in 90 seconds. It will become essential for survival to know how many estradas the zombies are attacking at, to help select appropriate defense weapons.

 

I don't think we should assume that "virus zombies" will attack slower or faster than "nuclear waste zombies". It would just be easier to say "Zombies heading your way, 4.5 JEs"

[logan82]

Very disappointing that this thread didn't get a bump with today's Zombies: A Living History on today on the History channel.

[berniebrewer4life]

Very disappointing that this thread didn't get a bump with today's Zombies: A Living History on today on the History channel.

I actually forgot it existed and read it as a new thread. I was actually about to post information i posted back in 2008 until i read more. http://forum.brewerfan.net/images/smilies/laugh.gif

[Nader Raider Tim]

http://www.zombiephiles.c...ie-weapons-found-at-home

 

Baseball Bat is only #2 on the list.

[RobertR]

What I learned from the movies this weekend is that a pet Tiger Shark is the way to deal with zombie invaders. I'm thinking a moat plus shark and I'm secure in my home.

 

Robert

[nate82]

What I learned from the movies this weekend is that a pet Tiger Shark is the way to deal with zombie invaders. I'm thinking a moat plus shark and I'm secure in my home.

 

Robert

What if the Shark turns into a zombie?