Am I an idiot/relationship advice

[Time for a Miller]

So I've met a girl and I've seen her a couple of times, but there is a more general question about relationships in this post. She likes baseball and sports in general and is very good looking, however looks are of no importance to me at all (we're all going to get ugly). I went out with her tonight and I just wasn't feeling it for some reason. I thought this would be my dream come true. Am I crazy?

 

So here is the real question. Is loving the Brewers enough to base a relationship on?

 

 

I know the immediate answer is no since everything else could be wrong, but everything else is not exactly wrong. There just isn't that "feeling." I always thought if I could find a girl who liked baseball as much as I did everything else would work out. I think it was the movie "High Fidelity" that conlcuded it's not what your like it's what you like. Watching every Brewers game and SportsCenter every night seems fine to me almost no matter what else happens.

[jordanmuehl]

You've got to remember, also, that in the movie High Fidelity, John Cusack finds almost every loophole he can to get out of a relationship that is, indeed, a great fit for him. Maybe that applies in this situation -- I'd stick it out a bit more and get a good feel for how it's going to be over a longer period of time. At least that's my two cents. Hope it helps!

[brewers19]

As hard as it is to actually put into practice, I always figure it's best not to dwell on stuff like this until it becomes really clear and obvious that things aren't going to work out in the long run. Be confident and optimistic (but not oblivious), because things will probably never feel right if there's a constantly a nagging sense of doubt in the back of your mind. Just take things slowly and don't rush a decision.

[BoneDaddyKool]

I'd give it a few more tries, it does take awhile to really get to know someone. And people can also grow on you. that you were "just not feeling it tonight" there could also be other reasons, such as nerves, maybe you had an off day, she's shy... any number of things. Patience is a vertue. Give it sometime.

[trwi7]

As hard as it is to actually put into practice, I always figure it's best not to dwell on stuff like this until it becomes really clear and obvious that things aren't going to work out in the long run. Be confident and optimistic (but not oblivious), because things will probably never feel right if there's a constantly a nagging sense of doubt in the back of your mind. Just take things slowly and don't rush a decision.

 

Your avatar is the most fantastic thing I have ever seen. Well done, sir.

[LouisEly]

If she's a Cubs and/or Vikings fan, dump her.

[TooLiveBrew]

Is loving the Brewers enough to base a relationship on?

 

Absolutely. If I'm wrong, I don't want to be right.

 

I guess in seriousness, you have to feel something for sure... but then what attracted you to her (& vice-versa) in the first place? There had to be something initally, right? For the BF favorite term, don't use the small sample of one date to skew your perspective. Sometimes a date or even 'hangout' can feel kinda forced... try meeting up with her some night after you've both been doing your own thing with friends. One thing I always found to be a good barometer was to go out in a group setting -- if you can have fun with her & feel comfortable & confident, then there's probably something to it.

 

If being yourself is how you're most comfortable around this girl, I'd say that's a really cool thing. Sometimes it takes more than a date/meetup or two to get to that point.

[logan82]

I am a firm believer that when it comes to relationships that familiarity breeds contempt. By this I mean, it is nice to have similar interests, but you are going to eventually need alone/away time from whoever you are dating.(not much, but some) If this is going to end up being serious you should have at least one or more interests that your SO has no interest or just a passing interest in(as long as she isn't going to nag you or really hates them). Although doing things together is really important.

 

She should also be intelligent enough to carry on a decent conversation. I find this to be actually more important than anything else.

 

By the way, I think you were possibly setting your expectations to high. It is better to go in with no expectations, especially early on.

 

I know, all bad/crazy/rambling advice. Feel free to ignore it or do the opposite. Although I wouldn't consider myself Costanza like.

[JimH5]

A love of baseball is simply not enough to keep one man connected to one woman.

 

Unless of course, she has access to really good tickets. . .

[JoeHova]

The thing to remember about High Fidelity is that, despite being based on a book by Nick Hornby, it stars John Cusack, thus everything in it is to be disregarded.

[UndraftedFA]

I will go along the lines of logan. You of course need some similar interest and values, but the differences are what make a relationship interesting and exciting. I have found myself bored in relationships with female versions of me. The most accomplished relationship I have had until this point was with a woman who had many different interest than me. It got me to experience many things I probably never would have otherwise. The downside of those kind of relationships, is when they get mad at you, they say you are too different. Regardless, I don't have much interest in dating a female version of myself again. I want to be pushed into new and exciting things that life can offer.

 

So, I think you know things you have in common. Find out what you don't currently have in common. Have an open-mind, and then see if you are excited. I am a firm believer that the differences are what makes or breaks a relationship. Somethings you will want to share, other things you'll want to save for alone time.

[davego]

Use the 3-date rule. After 3, make the call. Just a thought to consider, you could see her and keep it sports orientated only. She could be 'one of the guys'...just smells better.

[JumpinMacFlash]

Logan and UFA are pretty spot on. I know my last relationship seemed to be going along pretty well. She seemed to like the same things that I liked, even took a big interest in the Brewers. I thought that was enough, but it turned out that she wasn't as big of a fan of my interests as she let on. She was doing what she thought I wanted her to, and it got old and very annoying. She tried to be too much like me and she wasn't even close. Some people just don't work. She was just too agreeable.

 

I'm dating someone else now and am a lot happier. She enjoys the Brewers, living near Milwaukee all her life, but she doesn't beat around the bush with me and tells me that she doesn't want to sit there and watch them for three hours every day. There are a lot of similar interests, but she's more confrontational, honest, and challenging, and that makes it better. I guess my point is, having things in common is great, but if you have too much, you already know the person. There's no novelty, nothing new to find out or learn about them. You can't base a relationship solely on a mutual like for the Brewers, but it's a starting point. Nothing will ever happen if there isn't something to jumpstart the two of you. For now, it's something to attract you and give you two something to do with each other, but what's important is what that mutual interest spurs or brings up in addition to it.

 

Basically, don't make a decision yet. Take a couple more dates and see what's up.

[Oldcity]

The thing to remember about High Fidelity is that, despite being based on a book by Nick Hornby, it stars John Cusack, thus everything in it is to be disregarded.

Ooh, cheap shot. Not like it starred Joan Cusack.

 

[ewizabeff]

The thing to remember about High Fidelity is that, despite being based on a book by Nick Hornby, it stars John Cusack, thus everything in it is to be disregarded.

Ouch. I heart John Cusack. And High Fidelity is the best.

 

Sadly, the love of the Brewers is not enough to keep two people together. You kind of have to love each other too. But it sounds like you're not at the point where you HAVE to love her yet, so maybe give it a little bit longer?

 

p.s. I give horrible relationship advice.

[BrewCrewForever]

Im also a huge High Fidelity fan. One of my favorite movies of all time.

 

I would say if you have only gone out a couple of times and it isn't serious, give it a few more dates to see where it goes. If you still don't really feel it for her let her know and end it.

[jason21nl]

no love at first sight believers? I think you should know right away if you're going to like this person and want to spend more time with them. If anything, you gain a baseball pal to go to games with.

[Gone]

A love of baseball is simply not enough to keep one man connected to one woman.

 

Unless of course, she has access to really good tickets. . .

 

Around September I started dating a girl and immediately realized we weren't the right fit. However, her family had Packer season tickets and I was able to stretch the "relationship" into 4 free games. I broke it off after the championship game and now am dating her best friend.

[GAME05]

i think what people should look for as commonalities should be ones of personality and not necessarily interests. things like a shared sense of humour, easy conversations, spirituality, blah blah blah.

 

the drunk guy sitting behind me in the stands yelling the whole game, sure, we share a love of the Brewers, but i'm sure never gonna be his best friend. i think the same would go here.

 

(i should add that my advice on this subject is similar to a homeless man offering stock tips).

[ewizabeff]

Around September I started dating a girl and immediately realized we weren't the right fit. However, her family had Packer season tickets and I was able to stretch the "relationship" into 4 free games. I broke it off after the championship game and now am dating her best friend.

Wow. I'm disappointed in her best friend. That's definitely against the rules.

 

[jason21nl]

I once dated a girl with Packers season tickets, and broke up after the 4th and 26 game. I blame the Packers for the ended relationship annnnd maybe the fact that I freaked out.

[twobrewers]

Ouch. I heart John Cusack. And High Fidelity is the best.

Cusack i could live without. (How many times can you play the same freakin character!)

However, High Fidelity = Awesomeness

 

It is largely what you like. Because if you don't have things in common - well, you are going to drift apart anyways.

However, I know plenty of Brewer fans who I can't stand. My advice, if you don't think you will miss her - then what is the point in being with her?

 

[Baldkin]

I'm a big believer in, "If it ain't there, it ain't there." No amount of searching, hoping, wishing, wanting, or anything else is going to make you dig this girl if you don't already after you spend a bunch of quality time together. How much a bunch is, I can't say. Then again, I'm the guy who refuses to date for the sake of dating someone... so maybe, you shouldn't ask me.

[jazzytrav]

I once dated a girl with Packers season tickets, and broke up after the 4th and 26 game. I blame the Packers for the ended relationship annnnd maybe the fact that I freaked out.

Jason, I seem to remember this story from another thread. Perhaps one at Lambeauleap, but I don't feel like looking cause I think it's on the old read-only version.

 

Anyway, as to the original question, I would try to find out what other common ground there is. I dated a girl last year (well, I guess tried to date again), and she was a hardcore Brewer fan. She was also a million other things that I dreamed about in a girl. Then I also found out that she was a complete psychopath, including the disease that some of you may remember from old Dilbert comics as "the topper". She was a baseball fan, but it got a little annoying that she seemed to think she knew more about baseball than me. Especially since she really didn't know all that much, but was determined to "prove" that she did. And when I called her out on it, she would get "angry" with me. Worst...relationship...ever.

 

Now I'm dating a hardcore Cubs fan, and I'm insanely happy. Obviously not because she's a Cubs fan, but oddly enough, she's sane. Point is, dating because of a common interest in baseball, or anything else for that matter, can lead to some very bad things. Don't base it off that.

[endaround]

If you're already tuning out watch she says, mentally sorting your next days to do list during dinner or constantly checking your watch to see if you'll get home in time to catch Jon Stewart its not likely to get better. If she enjoys Brewers games, its nice you found another person to watch games with, but at this time that really sounds about it.